Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

When you give the ones you love, the benefit of the doubt, everytime, giving them the out, a white flag, after they betray you, and they dont take it. Thats your answer. Do not beg and do not spend years trying. They do not want repair, if communicationis nonexistent. https://Everytime.If you are the only one initiating the repairs, https://stop.The lack of discussions and communication about problems are crippling and the mistakes are https://mistakes.Its all a mess from lie after lie, to https://me.l
Do I give up on my kid? Uh,no!Never.
Is he sick? Is he on hard drugs or something?Or is the motivation only $$$ and a future without me? I dont see how and to continue pushing me far away again, confirms, all of it.
Why would he do this to me?Why are people hurting them like this, having them do these things to me? Using a person, whos already struggling and lying about it, to cover up something more heinous? For what? A https://house.A peice of something he will never work for? What everyone accused me of, even though I did work my ass off, for https://years.Im sad and sorry, for all the hurtful things I have said, the anger, the the lies they feel I deserve, upon my https://name.I thought it was protection.it was not, it was to harm, isolate and save eachother, not US as a family. I wanted me and Will, now thats impossible for https://me.I am alone. To purposely, harm me,in a way, that would push me over the https://edge.Theyve spent, three, years, doing https://it.Something is not adding up, still.

When you give the ones you love, the benefit of the doubt, everytime, giving them the out, a white flag, after they betray you, and they dont take it. Thats your answer. Do not beg and do not spend years trying. They do not want repair, if communicationis nonexistent. https://Everytime.If you are the only one initiating the repairs, https://stop.The lack of discussions and communication about problems are crippling and the mistakes are https://mistakes.Its all a mess from lie after lie, to https://me.l
Do I give up on my kid? Uh,no!Never.
Is he sick? Is he on hard drugs or something?Or is the motivation only $$$ and a future without me? I dont see how and to continue pushing me far away again, confirms, all of it.
Why would he do this to me?Why are people hurting them like this, having them do these things to me? Using a person, whos already struggling and lying about it, to cover up something more heinous? For what? A https://house.A peice of something he will never work for? What everyone accused me of, even though I did work my ass off, for https://years.Im sad and sorry, for all the hurtful things I have said, the anger, the the lies they feel I deserve, upon my https://name.I thought it was protection.it was not, it was to harm, isolate and save eachother, not US as a family. I wanted me and Will, now thats impossible for https://me.I am alone. To purposely, harm me,in a way, that would push me over the https://edge.Theyve spent, three, years, doing https://it.Something is not adding up, still.

Must be difficult living a lie, day in, day https://out.Chasing the stories and narratives you fabricated for years and with dozens of people...Telling people how difficult it is, to be with me, as an excuse for all the problems in the house, in your life and the reason why nothing is https://resolved.Im the reason? Ok.
After years in therapy, I know now, it is me.I, am the problem and now,my anger towards this frail image ego, you and your mother, https://built.I no longer will cater to the lies you have told people through your family and friends.
I didn't build it. I was home here,fighting my best, alone.

Telling people, Im out of it, having a bad day, on drugs, incapable and https://violent.When the emotional abuse from you and yours has been going on for years.Years.
I will heal, https://alone.I will be https://alone.I am alone and have been for years now in this home. I am tired of these two believing, a body is presence and bills paid is enough for a woman in the https://home.A provider doesn't only pay the https://bills.A provider, leads, gives grace, teaches,has patterns that are consistently growing forward, not stagnant and cruel. I will take all the blame, the fall and the hit, as https://usual.Thats what I do, for https://them.They can find a passive, mouse dumb good girl to dote,a yes girl,she can excuse and enable their aweful ways, all day. Call a woman names, belittle and talk to her like shes https://stupid.Mock her, go ahead.
A maid can clean theirs and make them eat, go to the Dr and still, take care of life, outside their one job. They do no wrong, the Boys, they, have never apologized, ignore the concerns and they, want to be left https://alone.That is my answer to all issues now, let it lie, sweep it away, ignore it, she'll shut up.

Must be difficult living a lie, day in, day https://out.Chasing the stories and narratives you fabricated for years and with dozens of people...Telling people how difficult it is, to be with me, as an excuse for all the problems in the house, in your life and the reason why nothing is https://resolved.Im the reason? Ok.
After years in therapy, I know now, it is me.I, am the problem and now,my anger towards this frail image ego, you and your mother, https://built.I no longer will cater to the lies you have told people through your family and friends.
I didn't build it. I was home here,fighting my best, alone.

Telling people, Im out of it, having a bad day, on drugs, incapable and https://violent.When the emotional abuse from you and yours has been going on for years.Years.
I will heal, https://alone.I will be https://alone.I am alone and have been for years now in this home. I am tired of these two believing, a body is presence and bills paid is enough for a woman in the https://home.A provider doesn't only pay the https://bills.A provider, leads, gives grace, teaches,has patterns that are consistently growing forward, not stagnant and cruel. I will take all the blame, the fall and the hit, as https://usual.Thats what I do, for https://them.They can find a passive, mouse dumb good girl to dote,a yes girl,she can excuse and enable their aweful ways, all day. Call a woman names, belittle and talk to her like shes https://stupid.Mock her, go ahead.
A maid can clean theirs and make them eat, go to the Dr and still, take care of life, outside their one job. They do no wrong, the Boys, they, have never apologized, ignore the concerns and they, want to be left https://alone.That is my answer to all issues now, let it lie, sweep it away, ignore it, she'll shut up.

I understand my reactions, for the past year have https://escalated.I know why, how, who and recently, too much to process.Cruel, mean and sadistic beyond my mother's https://doings.My Son, mocked, belittled and has stolen my https://identity.I am frozen with https://fear.He wants to hurt me, bad, both of them https://do.I get it,they think I can go back to the maid, the cook, the driver, fun moments, https://only.People have said very aweful hurtful things to him against https://me.There is Never commitments or communication, no standard, no interaction and nothing to build together as a family.it was set up this way, to teach me a lesson.it backfired.
I would like to know, when, what moment, was I not, valued here?After what part of recovery.
Prior to my settlement because the wheels were just getting https://greased.And no one believed me then, from his https://world.All his and his mothers, friends and cousins impression, implications and gossip from outsiders and research behind her laptop." Shes having a bad day"And the people they brought back into my life that hurt my https://son.If you Abandon him, like all the rest, he will only get https://worse.He hurts and he makes poor choices and then he blames https://me.Its all my https://fault.My fault there's nothing, not this or didn'ttell https://him.Anything outside his schedule, is an https://inconvenience.I have patience but not when they create the chaos, and onto to others he's been https://told.Hes been hearing all against me his entire https://life.Hes my kid, they treated him the same way.
I want him and me out or Brian out. Or, All three https://separate.If he wants to stay with him, thats on them.one or the https://other.But they, want me out.im the odd one https://out.I will take time, put holds on all creditors, cards and make my lists of https://names.Why would he?

I understand my reactions, for the past year have https://escalated.I know why, how, who and recently, too much to process.Cruel, mean and sadistic beyond my mother's https://doings.My Son, mocked, belittled and has stolen my https://identity.I am frozen with https://fear.He wants to hurt me, bad, both of them https://do.I get it,they think I can go back to the maid, the cook, the driver, fun moments, https://only.People have said very aweful hurtful things to him against https://me.There is Never commitments or communication, no standard, no interaction and nothing to build together as a family.it was set up this way, to teach me a lesson.it backfired.
I would like to know, when, what moment, was I not, valued here?After what part of recovery.
Prior to my settlement because the wheels were just getting https://greased.And no one believed me then, from his https://world.All his and his mothers, friends and cousins impression, implications and gossip from outsiders and research behind her laptop." Shes having a bad day"And the people they brought back into my life that hurt my https://son.If you Abandon him, like all the rest, he will only get https://worse.He hurts and he makes poor choices and then he blames https://me.Its all my https://fault.My fault there's nothing, not this or didn'ttell https://him.Anything outside his schedule, is an https://inconvenience.I have patience but not when they create the chaos, and onto to others he's been https://told.Hes been hearing all against me his entire https://life.Hes my kid, they treated him the same way.
I want him and me out or Brian out. Or, All three https://separate.If he wants to stay with him, thats on them.one or the https://other.But they, want me out.im the odd one https://out.I will take time, put holds on all creditors, cards and make my lists of https://names.Why would he?

Am I gullible, yes.
Am I too trusting, yes.
Do I bother people, Not at all.im home, alone.
Do I reconnect with those, who, don't know me? https://No.Do I watch other peoples lives online? No.
Do you? Yes.
Did people make it their business, to hurt me? yes.
Do I understand why? NO.
Have I asked?Have I asked it ti STOP? https://Yes.Multiple times.
Has it? No.
Am I a punchline, a scapegoat and gossip topic for insecurity? Yes.
Is it all contradicted by my actual life? Yes.
Are people that aweful?
It seems that way.
Was, I aware?Yes.
For years, three exactly.
And I waited for repair and they, wasted it,pushing me away.
Dead can, dance?Yes but Not so much, https://now.Every couple months Im reminded and removed, some https://more.Proved it with https://William.Show me proof my Son was with https://him.I will give Will his space and his reasons will stay in his heart and it will hurt https://him.He is, my https://world.I purposefully cut the cord and was honest with him and now regret that honesty about my https://life.Digging up some past relationships, collecting my ex's and taunting my family with it is sad and I'm afraid of https://them.I wish he'd get help, be clear and not be taken advantage of, by others, to hurt https://me.Two wrongs do not even out hurt or the damage caused by another. I have nothing now, have been shown who they are and what they are capable of. All involved, are https://complisant.I shouldn't have to wait for something to happen.
Prove https://it.Prove he did these things to me and I'll walk away.be honest with me and I will, leave https://quietly.Be transparent and I will let you live outside this house and you can have your girlfriends and your family, all your lives can merge as one and I get to live in https://peace.Everytime your goons show up, you are told and you flip it on me.no more horses, thunderstruck, whores or https://lies.You lie to me,daily, to my face, you, withhold and deflect instead of share and https://include.I am a dependant, not treated like a wife, spouse or partner, in any definition of the https://word.I am ashamed and https://embarrassed.I will be selling the car, my belongings and my son is not the one, I raised https://anymore.They made him mediate and be the messenger, the referee and criticized https://him.They used him, as a pawn. He is not https://okay.He is why I stayed,why is that wrong, to want a stable home and commitment for a kid? I am in this position because of my https://choices.I gave it all, to this house, to them and to others, to support https://others.I am wrong for not saving it https://all.I let him play me for a fool,I couldn't see https://it.How can someone do this to someone? Im no https://one.I have nothing and ask for nothing.

Someone with hero syndrome shouldn't cry being used, when they create the choas to begin with and are the ones using us.

Am I gullible, yes.
Am I too trusting, yes.
Do I bother people, Not at all.im home, alone.
Do I reconnect with those, who, don't know me? https://No.Do I watch other peoples lives online? No.
Do you? Yes.
Did people make it their business, to hurt me? yes.
Do I understand why? NO.
Have I asked?Have I asked it ti STOP? https://Yes.Multiple times.
Has it? No.
Am I a punchline, a scapegoat and gossip topic for insecurity? Yes.
Is it all contradicted by my actual life? Yes.
Are people that aweful?
It seems that way.
Was, I aware?Yes.
For years, three exactly.
And I waited for repair and they, wasted it,pushing me away.
Dead can, dance?Yes but Not so much, https://now.Every couple months Im reminded and removed, some https://more.Proved it with https://William.Show me proof my Son was with https://him.I will give Will his space and his reasons will stay in his heart and it will hurt https://him.He is, my https://world.I purposefully cut the cord and was honest with him and now regret that honesty about my https://life.Digging up some past relationships, collecting my ex's and taunting my family with it is sad and I'm afraid of https://them.I wish he'd get help, be clear and not be taken advantage of, by others, to hurt https://me.Two wrongs do not even out hurt or the damage caused by another. I have nothing now, have been shown who they are and what they are capable of. All involved, are https://complisant.I shouldn't have to wait for something to happen.
Prove https://it.Prove he did these things to me and I'll walk away.be honest with me and I will, leave https://quietly.Be transparent and I will let you live outside this house and you can have your girlfriends and your family, all your lives can merge as one and I get to live in https://peace.Everytime your goons show up, you are told and you flip it on me.no more horses, thunderstruck, whores or https://lies.You lie to me,daily, to my face, you, withhold and deflect instead of share and https://include.I am a dependant, not treated like a wife, spouse or partner, in any definition of the https://word.I am ashamed and https://embarrassed.I will be selling the car, my belongings and my son is not the one, I raised https://anymore.They made him mediate and be the messenger, the referee and criticized https://him.They used him, as a pawn. He is not https://okay.He is why I stayed,why is that wrong, to want a stable home and commitment for a kid? I am in this position because of my https://choices.I gave it all, to this house, to them and to others, to support https://others.I am wrong for not saving it https://all.I let him play me for a fool,I couldn't see https://it.How can someone do this to someone? Im no https://one.I have nothing and ask for nothing.

Someone with hero syndrome shouldn't cry being used, when they create the choas to begin with and are the ones using us.

Im not leaving or waiting for someone to save me.I have found it discouraging and disappointing my Son, again was used. Why adults feel the need to use a young man's life experience as gossip, to trash his mother and leave damage behind.I will heal, but he won't be able to address or recognize his place now.you have filled his head with lies from people who hurt people for fun.And to be wrong, again....for expecting them to want real relationships with communication. I want my son healthy,my family, Brian and Will and able to have a clear conversation with out being set up, dismissed or denied my place.Every time, Im at fault.Not one ever, no apologies ever.no repair.Nothing, everytime.

Im not leaving or waiting for someone to save me.I have found it discouraging and disappointing my Son, again was used. Why adults feel the need to use a young man's life experience as gossip, to trash his mother and leave damage behind.I will heal, but he won't be able to address or recognize his place now.you have filled his head with lies from people who hurt people for fun.And to be wrong, again....for expecting them to want real relationships with communication. I want my son healthy,my family, Brian and Will and able to have a clear conversation with out being set up, dismissed or denied my place.Every time, Im at fault.Not one ever, no apologies ever.no repair.Nothing, everytime.