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Getting the courage

I dont know when and how I’m going to find the courage to leave him. God he terrorizes me daily. Before this man even opens his eyes and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is manipulation in the morning. Completely shits on my morning. And then I have to deal with the mind games of him playing victim “what’s wrong? Are you mad at me? I love you!” LIKE STOP FUCKING WITH MY HEAD.

He never takes me seriously or respects when I’m irritated with him. Just now he tried to do this playing dumb game he does where he’s like “should I get the free upgrade for my phone that’s just as good or should I spend several hundred dollars for the iPhone max upgrade?” I looked at him irritated and was like “stop fucking with me” (I think the answer is obvious you should choose the free option???). And he just looked honestly confused and said “why?” I got irritated and rolled my eyes and he proceeded to get “overwhelmed” with “how cute I am when I’m mad”.

He even tried to get a pic of me. So invalidating. He doesn’t even care that I was irritated. This is so exhausting. It’s like this constantly. And I have to fight him and beg him to stop doing the “playing dumb/victim game”. Which doesn’t always work. What the fuck is he doing?

#Abuse #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PTSD #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder

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Where is Hope? She is so quiet today.

At 6 it was sexual abuse
At 12 it was type 1 diabetes
At 14 it was IBS
At 16 it was PCOS
At 17 they took my gallbladder
At 18 It was Anxiety/Depression
At 20 It became agoraphobia with panic
At 21 Chronic pain began
At 23 it was Migraines
At 24 it was GERD and reflux
At 25 it was kidney stones
At 27 It was fibromyalgia
At 29 it was CFS
At 31 it was balance/vertigo issues
At 32 it was IC
At 34 it became PPPD

I turned 36 two weeks ago and spent it in the ER and still don't know what happened.

Today I am depressed, discouraged, and desperate for some hope.

I'm Christian and I have been praying for answers.

So I thought I'd lay my burdens here and see if you Mighty Warriors have anything to share with me.

I wish you all the best in your own battles as well.


64 reactions 19 comments

Trauma in a tornado

I had a good session with my therapist. I described my anger and trauma to an F5 tornado. I told him how my anger rises it’s can start as a F1 tornado and gradually increases to an F5. I also said that a tornado resents my trauma and those who didn’t invalidate me, swept the abuse under the rug like it was forgotten, those who let him stay in the house and those who never called the cops. Yes I’m talking about my Drs, school psychologist and therapist when I was in the psychiatric hospital at age 12. I’m also talking about my parents and my brother the abuser. They are debris that are in the tornado who knows where they will lands once the tornado leaves but the aftermath will not be pretty. Those are just my thoughts. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder this will actually make a good book

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Finally reaching out for any sort of advice with my mental health/ my addiction.

hi guys! i just made this account today after i’ve caught myself reading a lot of articles about #BipolarDisorder & #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder haha.
so i thought i’d reach out (surprisingly) and ask the public for help since i can’t seem to get myself to get help professionally. i was wondering if anyone has any feedback or honestly anything at all that could help me with getting sober i would appreciate it so much. i want to get clean so so bad, yet for some reason i find myself using still. it’s like a routine i knowingly can break & want to but for some reason don’t? i hate not feeling like i have any control over my body/ or any choices i make yet im aware that i’m the only one in control of my person & the only one that can make any decision for myself. it’s similar to how i will have a certain negative reaction toward someone, and in that moment i know that i’m causing them to feel bad, i also know that i’m taking all my frustration out on them, causing them to feel like everything is their fault but my emotions are just too strong to the point where i feel like what im saying in the moment is appropriate although i also have the mindset in that moment, that its not but still,. i can’t stop although im not actually intentionally trying to make whoever, feel that negative way at all. but at the same time feel as if everyone needs to feel this anger, sadness, whatever present emotion as strongly as i am. then once i get over that feeling, i then talk down on myself causing a deep depressive episode because i feel so awful for how i treated that person(s). this is a continue cycle that i know i get to chose weather or not i want to break the cycle but at the same time it seems like i dont have the control over doing? like its so frustrating that anytime i want something, no matter how bad…. i do whatever i can to get the opposite just so i can be upset/angery just to start problems that i dont even want to the slightest. and even if i get what i want in a situation, then i will literally convince myself that i actually wanted the complete opposite/ what i said i didnt want & proceed to still get upset/ angry. which i think thats why i cant overcome my addiction if that makes sense? i dont really understand why im this way & why i cause myself to never be pleased with anything. like why is it that if i want something and i get it, i still torture myself into having the belief that i want the opposite? is it because i feel like i deserve to feel these awful ways? maybe because of the narcissistic abuse i went through? maybe its because i lost my dad at 12yrs old? i wish i understand more about how trauma affects me today but i struggle with gettinf any help whatsoever and im suprised im even reaching out on here. idk…i dont understand myself. if anyone sees this and can give me any feedback no matter what it is, id actually appreciate it so much you have no idea. and if you read this whole thing, you’re seriously such an angle. thank you<3 #Bipolar1 #Autism #Addiction

13 reactions 5 comments

Upsetting email

This morning I got an email from my mother saying that when I was born, my father was very upset that I was a boy as he had wanted a girl. This has upset me and explains why he was so distant from me. I don't know how to respond to her. She is mentally unstable and has a very 'poor me' outlook on life. I cut off all contact for 20 years because of the emotional and psychological abuse from her. I should add that my father died by suicide when I was 16. I don't know her reason for saying this now, but she must have known it would upset me. How do I approach a response?

#MDD #PTSD #BPD #Anxiety

62 reactions 29 comments
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I read somewhere that if a Teacher knew which signs to look for, they could tell if a child was being abused at home. Among the signs was *sighing*. Children who frequently sigh are exhibiting signs of abuse. It resonated deeply because I sigh an awful lot. Has anyone else here noticed the same thing?

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If you're anything like me, you've had your fair share of tragedies and dark moments. This led to years of depression and eventually wanting to make my life. And when I look back, it's easy to blame these events, but all that does is remove the fact that I came through. No one gave me the strength to keep on fighting, I had it in me all along. I just didn't see it until I was in a situation where fighting was my only choice. Now that I've made it this far, I know that when further pain comes, having the strength to keep on going will only come from myself. If you're reading this and dealing with pain, I hope you know that you too can create the same internal strength to keep on going. You already have everything you need to overcome whatever obstacle you are facing right now. Is anyone having difficulty remembering how strong they are or how far they've come? What are some things you've done that prove that you are strong?

~ Thanks to all. Thanks for all. ~

Also, I'm so grateful for all of you and would love to get to know you all better outside of The Mighty, so if you're on Instagram, feel free to reach out at:


#MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dissociativedisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Cancer #RareDisease #Disability #Autism #Diabetes #EatingDisorders #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #Suicide #MightyTogether

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Books Featuring Ballet Dancers With Health Challenges

A lot of people use performing arts, like ballet, as an outlet. It turns out, fictional characters do, too! Here is a list of books featuring ballet dancers with health challenges:

1. “Brave Enough” by Kati Gardner
Teenager Cason Martin is the youngest ballerina in the Atlanta Ballet Conservatory. She never really had a choice of whether she learned to dance or not. Her mother, the conservatory's artistic director, has made all the decisions in Cason's life. But that's about to change. Cason has been hiding an injury, and it's much worse than anyone imagines. Davis Channing understands all too well what it's like to give up control of your life. He's survived cancer, but his drug addiction nearly killed him. Now he's been sober for seven months and enjoying his community service at the hospital. But just when he thinks he's got it together, Davis's ex-girlfriend, who is still battling her addiction, barrels back into his life. Cason and Davis are not friends. But, as their worlds collide, they will start to depend on one another. Can they both be brave enough to beat the odds?

2. “The Other Side of Perfect” by Mariko Turk
This YA follows Alina, an aspiring dancer who suffers a devastating injury and must face a world without ballet—as well as the darker side of her former dream. Alina Keeler was destined to dance, but then a terrifying fall shatters her leg—and her dreams of a professional ballet career along with it. After a summer healing (translation: eating vast amounts of Cool Ranch Doritos and bingeing ballet videos on YouTube), she is forced to trade her pre-professional dance classes for normal high school, where she reluctantly joins the school musical. However, rehearsals offer more than she expected—namely Jude, her annoyingly attractive cast-mate she just might be falling for. But to move forward, Alina must make peace with her past and face the racism she experienced in the dance industry. She wonders what it means to yearn for ballet—something so beautiful, yet so broken. And as broken as she feels, can she ever open her heart to someone else?

3. “Sparrow” by Mary Cecilia Jackson
*This may be triggering to readers who have experienced domestic violence, trauma, and abuse.

Though Savannah Rose―Sparrow to her friends and family―is a gifted ballerina, her real talent is keeping secrets. Schooled in silence by her long-dead mother, Sparrow has always believed that her lifelong creed―“I’m not the kind of girl who tells”―will make her just like everyone else: Normal. Happy. Safe. But in the aftermath of a brutal assault by her seemingly perfect boyfriend Tristan, Sparrow must finally find the courage to confront the ghosts of her past, or lose herself forever….

4. “How It Feels To Fly” by Kathryn Holmes
The movement is all that matters. For as long as Samantha can remember, she’s wanted to be a professional ballerina. She’s lived for perfect pirouettes, sky-high extensions, and soaring leaps across the stage. Then her body betrayed her. The change was gradual. Stealthy. Failed diets. Disapproving looks. Whispers behind her back. The result: crippling anxiety about her appearance, which threatens to crush her dancing dreams entirely. On her dance teacher’s recommendation, Sam is sent to a summer treatment camp for teen artists and athletes who are struggling with mental and emotional obstacles. If she can make progress, she’ll be allowed to attend a crucial ballet intensive. But when asked to open up about her deepest insecurities, secret behaviors, and paralyzing fears to complete strangers, Sam can’t cope. Sam forms an unlikely bond with Andrew, a former college football player who’s one of her camp counselors. As they grow closer, Andrew helps Sam see herself as he does—beautiful. But just as she starts to believe that there’s more between them than friendship, disappointing news from home sends her into a tailspin. With her future uncertain and her body against her, will Sam give in to the anxiety that imprisons her?

📚 Happy reading! 🩰

#themightyreaders #performingartistsonthemighty #Cancer #MentalHealth #Depression #Abuse #Trauma #EatingDisorders

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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is LavaMoon74. I'm here because my person and soulmate and love of my life has DID, and its been almost 2yrs now since her repressed childhood trauma and her alters have surfaced and in our 27yrs together we were both/all completely speechless and dumbfounded bcuz although weve known and were aware of her having mental illness and a seizure disorder, we had no clue or idea about any abuse or trauma in her early childhood or any alters or splitting or dissociation or any of it, now we also know its partly due to the fact my persons family hid it, buried it and inserted another life over it and narcissistically abused me spouse with denial, deflection and lying to her her whole life. We have a Love we know to be rare, unique, alien and unheard of in modern civilzation. We connect and operate on a level and existence deeper, stronger and more pure and bound in truth then anything weve ever known Love to be or described as. She is gifted and blessed with so many abilities and dare i say powers, its the stuff fictonal stories are filled with, but she is also severly dissociative and lost in her mind sometimes and the disparity is wreaking havoc on our marriage and our 3 daughters and some family members are turning it into the worst possible scenario in some areas and im looking for others out there that Love and are devoted to their person with plurality and it helps me to understand her more and be more forgiving when i connect with others in our same or similar circumstances, thanks for having me, be sound and be grateful for each other everyone!!!


2 reactions 1 comment

Young Adult Books Featuring Genetic Disorders

Having genetic disorders can be isolating. So here are 4 young adult books about genetic disorders to tell you that you’re not alone:

1. “A Step Toward Falling” by Cammie McGovern
*This book may trigger individuals who experienced sexual abuse, violence, or assault. Please do not read if this triggers you!

Cammie McGovern follows up her breakout young adult debut, “Say What You Will”, with this powerful and unforgettable novel about learning from your mistakes, and learning to forgive. Emily has always been the kind of girl who tries to do the right thing—until one night when she does the worst thing possible. She sees Belinda, a classmate with developmental disabilities, being attacked. Inexplicably, she does nothing at all. Belinda, however, manages to save herself. When their high school finds out what happened, Emily and Lucas, a football player who was also there that night, are required to perform community service at a center for disabled people. Soon, Lucas and Emily begin to feel like maybe they're starting to make a real difference. Like they would be able to do the right thing if they could do that night all over again. But can they do anything that will actually help the one person they hurt the most?

2. “Just Breathe” by Cammie McGovern
David Sheinman is the popular president of his senior class, battling cystic fibrosis. Jamie Turner is a quiet sophomore, struggling with depression. The pair soon realizes that they can be their true selves with each other, and their unlikely friendship develops into something so much more. But neither Jamie nor David can bring themselves to reveal the secrets that weigh most heavily on their hearts—and their time for honesty may be running out.

3. “Five Feet Apart” by Rachael Lippincott
In this moving story two teens fall in love with just one minor complication—they can’t get within five feet of each other without risking their lives. Can you love someone you can never touch? Stella Grant likes to be in control—even though her totally out of control lungs have sent her in and out of the hospital most of her life. At this point, what Stella needs to control most is keeping herself away from anyone or anything that might pass along an infection and jeopardize the possibility of a lung transplant. Six feet apart. No exceptions. The only thing Will Newman wants to be in control of is getting out of this hospital. He couldn’t care less about his treatments, or a fancy new clinical drug trial. Soon, he’ll turn eighteen and then he’ll be able to unplug all these machines and actually go see the world, not just its hospitals. Will’s exactly what Stella needs to stay away from. If he so much as breathes on Stella she could lose her spot on the transplant list. Either one of them could die. The only way to stay alive is to stay apart. But suddenly six feet doesn’t feel like safety. It feels like punishment. What if they could steal back just a little bit of the space their broken lungs have stolen from them? Would five feet apart really be so dangerous if it stops their hearts from breaking too?

4. “Rules for 50/50 Chances” by Kate McGovern
A heartrending but ultimately uplifting debut novel about learning to accept life's uncertainties; a perfect fit for the current trend in contemporary realistic novels that confront issues about life, death, and love. Seventeen-year-old Rose Levenson has a decision to make: Does she want to know how she's going to die? Because when Rose turns eighteen, she can take the test that tells her if she carries the genetic mutation for Huntington's disease, the degenerative condition that is slowly killing her mother. With a fifty-fifty shot at inheriting her family's genetic curse, Rose is skeptical about pursuing anything that presumes she'll live to be a healthy adult—including her dream career in ballet and the possibility of falling in love. But when she meets a boy from a similarly flawed genetic pool and gets an audition for a dance scholarship across the country, Rose begins to question her carefully laid rules.

📚 I hope this list can help someone 🧬

#themightyreaders #DownSyndrome #CysticFibrosis #HuntingtonsDisease #SickleCellDisease

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