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Can I actually overcome behavior patterns?

#ADHD Diagnosed as a Child at age 6. I was exhibiting angry outburst, and intense frustrations, and my thought processes were very erratic. I was placed on Ritalin. It does help slow the swirling Kaleidoscope of random and broken thoughts and ideas. I was diagnosed with it again, recently as an Adult... #CPTSD My Sister and I are survivors of Physical, Emotional and Sexual Abuse all of which occurred before age 5... continued until I was 11 and figured out that I did not have to allow myself to be in one on one situations with the "Uncle" that had been raping me... At 13, I was allowed to move in with my Aunt Cathy, who was my best friend, growing up... and got me away from my Step-Father who beat my Sister and I regularly, as well as the verbal abuse and telling us that we were useless and good for nothing... We had these thoughts beaten into us, and sadly grew up to be adults with low to no self-esteem... #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder I still do not completely understand this one, and it is a recent diagnosis, but when reading about the behavior patterns, it begins to make sense... I know I am not deserving of the Love and Compassion I am seeking and self-sabotage my relationships, even though I fear being alone... Yes, I know... I am a walking contradiction... #suicidal I am actually a two time Survivor. I did not make half assed attempts. My first time was an Overdose and someone found me choking on my own vomit, and took me to the Hospital I think I was 17. Second time, in my late 20s, I stepped in front of a car, and was thrown over the hood like a ragdoll and ended up with a bad limp for years, that still is visible. While I no longer have any plans to hurt myself. I still have the feelings of being a horrible burden on others and believe they would be better off without me in the picture... So the Thought Process is still inside me... I just CHOOSE to NOT act on the Feelings...

OK I shared all of that, to say this... Decades of Talk Therapy and Medications have done NOTHING to improve my Quality of Life. I still have a deeply negative self-image, low to no self-worth. When provoked, or just feeling intimidated, I go into #oppositionaldefiance and very #narcissistic behavior patterns...

I have learning disorders like #Dyslexia , but I have learned to use Audiobooks and Podcasts to try and teach myself modes of Psychology, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, but I have not had a Psychologist or Therapist to GUIDE me through ways to Utilize these things effectively...

My Family makes comments like "You are an ADULT and should KNOW better!" "You are a Grown Man, you need to start ACTING like one!" "You cannot keep blaming your Parents, for your Bad Behavior. You are an ADULT and Responsible for yourself!" FOR THE RECORD, these are very hurtful and demeaning comments that only make me feel WORSE about myself after experiencing a Meltdown...

CAN I FIND PEACE & RECOVERY from these Behavior Patterns??? Talking and Medication doesn't seem to be helping... I am now looking into Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. Ketamine Inhalant Treatments have also been suggested... I am reticent to try these. But, at this point, I am starting to want to give in... Only because NOTHING else has seemed to help... and I am tired of being the way I am... My knee-jerk reactions to Negative Stimulation, (or what I perceive as attacking), I shut down and become angry and aggressive and retaliatory... I am doing everything I know how to do and I am STILL battling the same stuff I have been dealing with since I was 4... Now I am 59 and still feel Hopeless and Helpless...

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21 reactions 11 comments
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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is ValuableQuail2855. I'm here because I am an abuse survivor and am looking for ways to achieve further healing.

#MightyTogether #PTSD #OCD

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Repressed memories of childhood sex abuse

I didn’t remember my childhood sex abuse until I was in my late 40’s and now I am in therapy and having EMDR sessions. Has anyone else experienced this?

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Aftermath

Exactly one week ago I got in the car and drove 5 hours to meet friends (sisters) in another state for a few days. These are my childhood friends who I've known for 52 years. Its mind blowing to think about.

One of them is incredibly wealthy and we stayed at a 5 star resort that she kindly paid for. I normally stay at Sleep Inns and Best Westerns. I thought I'd be intimidated or feel out of place but I didn't. It was casual high class if that makes sense. Also she brought her dog, so that was good therapy.

The problem was the other sister, not rich, doing okay financially. But I feel like she's dying a slow death. Shes 2 years younger than me (63). She smokes 2 packs of cigs a day and drinks 1 1/2 to 2 bottles of wine a night. Barely eats. The 2nd night she got inebriated and was a little hard to deal with. But we did with patience and humor. This was nothing new. However she seems even more in a bad place than when I saw her last about 2 years ago.

I've been home now for 3 days but am feeling so overwhelmed. I keep thinking about her and her condition. Its put in me in a bit of a depression. How does her body and mind take that kind of abuse? How does she even feel okay? I'm so afraid one day more sooner than later, I'm going to be getting a sad call about her. I'm dreading it. I think about her sister who with all the chaos is very close to her. It's all so heartbreaking.

I know this group isn't real active. I think I just did this to vent and this seemed a good place.

Thank you for reading this.

(to lighten things up I've added a photo of a piece of art on the resort grounds...hmmm)

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Medical PTSD on purpose.

The only Doctor who can help me is the one who lied about me and lied to me. The one I was told is angry with me. The one who told me to go kill myself.

I recorded both mental and physical abuse for 10 years. The American Medical system is built for protecting bad Doctors, not reporting them. You know Peer pressure. We are not going to send any patients to you.

Diagnosed PTSD in 2018, told to leave with no help. Seek care elsewhere with no diagnosis told to me. They eliminated that I was making up stuff, they know I am telling the truth of my experiences.

My PTSD is due to mental and physical abuse by the very people you are suppose to trust with your life.

Where do you go once a Doctor has harmed you? After 14 years? No where.

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New to Group

Hi everyone,

Just a little about myself and why I am here, I was molested by my stepfather starting at age 9. It wasn't just the sexual abuse, but I was also frequently called stupid, being referred to as, "God damn dummy" most of the time. At age 17 I graduated and moved out during the graduation party my mother tried to have for me. At 21 I was raped by a police officer by gun point. I tried to fight until he hit me in the face with his gun splitting my lip. At which time I pretended to pass out. I am now nearly 60 and have C-PTSD, PTSD, fibromyalgia, and insomnia. I do not consider myself to be a victim but rather a survivor. I am hopeful that I can find help releasing the hypervigilance I am constantly feeling.

Thank you

2 reactions 1 comment
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Cleaning #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder

I’m cleaning up my life and removing people that don’t have my best interests at heart. I’m removing people that are not trying to lift me up in Jesus Christ name. People who drag me down can’t be allowed to stick around. I realize now that Jesus Christ is all i ever needed. Because people will hurt you and let you down. People will use you and abuse you and try their best to destroy your happiness and block your blessings. I’m only going to focus on Jesus Christ and doing my job as a parent and as a child of God. Work on my employment and show up and work to earn my paycheck. I’m blocking off all the negativity and I’m done with all of this evilness and negativity. People are not going to continue to hurt me. I’ve tried to be a good friend to everyone and be there for them in anyway I could. Nope not happening anymore.

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Show Your Creative Side

This is a photo of two of my granddaughters showing their creative sides. One of my
granddaughters had a piece of her artwork chosen to hang in the local art museum.
When I was a little girl, creativity was stifled. My parents had no tolerance
for such 'foolishness.
Maybe if I'd had a creative distraction, the abuse would have been just a little more tolerable.
Have you found your creative outlet? Sewing, painting, sketching, coloring, writing, sculpting, scrapbooking, etc. are all great ways to calm the mind, express your inner self, release
tension, and clear your thoughts.
No, it won't be perfect.
Thank goodness we don't strive for perfection. Aim for good enough. Look at that finished piece and see what you've created all on your own. No one can exactly duplicate it. You are a one-of-a-kind
masterpiece.
#childhoodabusesurvivor
#christian
#cptsd
#gad
#i’mhealing
#incestsurvivor
#majordepressivedisorder
#mentalabuse
#mentalhealth
#ocd
#rapesurvivors
#selfharmrecovery
#suicidesurvivor
#supraventiculartachycardia

31 reactions 14 comments
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Mother's day blues

Anyone else find mother's day really difficult? How do you cope? I was abused by my mother. Could use some advice - slept really badly because of the day and still reeling 😔 #Abuse #PTSD

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15 reactions 7 comments