Abuse

"I’ve regained my mind and my voice, and along with it, my silence and my choice."

How My Silence Became My Power

#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #TraumaRecovery #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Abuse #Trauma #Recovery #MentalHealth #PTSD

This is my first post, so I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, but figured I would give it a shot. I’m a 43yr old man from TX, married 11 years and have been diagnosed with ADHD, depression and anxiety for the majority of my adult life. I’m in weekly therapy and on various medications for the above mentioned issues. My wife and I have been struggling on and off throughout our relationship with various issues and recently I have been told that I have been psychologically abusing her. Specifically during our fights I fall into the habit of defensiveness and gaslighting her. Being labeled an abuser is a tough pill to swallow and in no way shape or form is my intention to do this. My gaslighting results in an extremely volatile response from her and it is getting harder and harder to come back from these giant blow ups. Being labeled an abused also plays into the shame issues that I have which I know can be exacerbated by ADHD. I guess I am just looking for support, perspective, advice etc. it’s a weird feeling and is something that I will be addressing with my therapist in depth, but really just looking for thoughts or tools and techniques to address this. #Abuse #MentalHealth

Hi, my name is HopelesslyHopefull. I'm here because I struggle with the fear and consequences that my splitting can cause, while now after many years of abuse and torture I became very violent cold and detached. I now have chosen to allow myself to finally be able to express my emotions for which now many see me as being kind living empathetic and very sensitive, I still see myself as bad and am unforgiving of the things I've done and the monster I had become merely to survive. No matter what good inmat do or what positivity and love I continue to try and allow myself to excude. There is still that part of me that still fears trust fears being lied to hurt or abandoned and overall betrayed. I do my best at staying hopeful while most of the time I am just overwhelmed of feelings of hopelessness. Sometimes I wonder whether or not I should of ever even been born at all. Because I can no longer dealing with the emotions that come when I split and see that I am still capable of hurting others while still believing that I'm merely just trying to avoid allowing anyone to hurt me any longer. Yet in my heart and soul , I would rather allow myself to be hurt and even hurt myself then to have to face that it feels like when I hurt those who I love and care so deeply about. I just don't want to be afraid to be alone yet when I allow that fear to overcome me all I can do is just push everyone away and I find myself alone and thinking and feeling that that is the only way I can truly show those I love and care for that is my intention so long as it's a way that I can keep myself from every hurting then again. Because it hurts me to hurt them there pain is my pain aswell as my pain is my pain.

#MightyTogether #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

Strength
IT IS WHEN WE ARE LEFT ALONE WITH POETRY AND PRAYER THAT WE UNCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHETHER WE WILL LIVE OR DIE, Strength is So Subjective, Sudden Changes, A Paramedic Coming to Take Your Life Against or With Will, Extreme Loss, Injuries On the Beach, 20 Years of Work for Naught, Indifference to Rage by a Whole City and an Extended Family that Was, A Child Working Late, Lies, Loss of Self and Wholeness, Police Abuse, Song and Release, Worry, Visions of Your Own Death, Songs of Heritage, Solitude, Despair, Complete Aloneness, Birth, Childbirth, Vows, Forgiveness, Shelter, Despair, Lack of Will, Fear, Ice, Possession, Waiting, Admiration, Gratitude, Love, Despair, A Grave now! ENDURANCE, Lies, More Death, Strength!

Hi everyone, I'm Victoria. I'm a trauma-informed coach and speaker, and my own history sits squarely in this space, childhood shaped by neglect, instability, and abuse, carried in silence for most of my adult life before I finally reported it and began the long work of actually recovering from it rather than just surviving it. Glad to be here among people who understand this from the inside rather than needing it explained.

One thing I don't see said enough in this space, so I wanted to bring it here first.

Childhood trauma doesn't just live in memory. It lives in expectation. A child raised in chaos doesn't just remember what happened, they build an entire internal model of what people are, what love costs, what safety is allowed to feel like, and that model doesn't update itself just because the danger eventually ends. You can leave the house, the family, the whole situation, and still be operating decades later on rules a five year old wrote to survive an environment that no longer exists.

That's not weakness. That's a child doing exactly what children are built to do, adapting completely to the world they're actually given, rather than the world they should have had. The work of adulthood, for those of us who grew up this way, is going back and rewriting rules that were never wrong for the child who wrote them, only wrong for the adult still living by them.

Looking forward to learning from what everyone else here has already worked through.

If you are currently experiencing violence or feel that you may be in immediate danger, please remember that the abuse is not your fault. Your safety matters, and you deserve support. If possible, consider reaching out to someone you trust or to a local domestic violence service or emergency service that can help you make a safe plan.