Abuse

I never imagined that opening my heart could make me a target. My story begins like many relationships: moments of kindness, shared experiences, and the thrill of connecting with someone new. But what I thought was love slowly became complicated, blurred by manipulation, miscommunication, and the intrusion of others into my life.
I write this not just for survivors, but for friends, families, and anyone trying to understand emotional abuse—especially when the survivor is painted as the villain.

Falling in Love and Trust:
I met Cody at Walmart while shopping for a holiday party. He was kind-hearted, offering to drop me off, but I declined because my place was out of the way. Later, we went rock climbing with a friend and ran errands together. When it started raining, he lent me his jacket. These small gestures felt meaningful and thoughtful.

From the start, Cody shared his past experiences with abuse and encouraged open conversations about boundaries. I shared my own struggles: depression, being autistic, past self-harm, and past experiences of being accused of abuse for expressing vulnerability. Cody reassured me that asking for help wasn’t wrong and promised he would communicate with me, especially regarding my fear of abandonment.
He remembered little details—favorite snacks, drinks, even Monster energy flavors—and would surprise me. At first, it didn’t feel controlling. It felt like care and love.

Blurred Boundaries and Family Dynamics:
Subtle imbalances appeared early. Cody once said he’d skip spending time with his dad to make me happy, framing himself as “always wrong” and me as “always right.”
His family added tension. When he invited me to his ice rink, his parents assumed I pressured him to let me come, even though he had asked me. I wanted to respect boundaries but also show support. Other situations blurred boundaries further: he invited me behind the counter at Starbucks, which felt like bonding, but a co-worker reported it, forcing Cody to leave the job.
Later, he considered becoming a flight attendant. I shared concerns about logistics and safety, and he assured me it was his decision. Months later, he accused me of giving him an ultimatum—rewriting history entirely.

Loss, Grief, and Hypocrisy:
In June, my father passed away. I witnessed the medical examiner removing his body and collected his belongings from his apartment. Cody’s father entered without asking—violating boundaries during one of the most painful moments of my life.
Yet when Cody’s cat passed away, I was excluded from the grieving process, framed as “not family.” It felt hypocritical: my grief was dismissed while theirs was protected. I constantly questioned Cody’s intentions. Was he acting on his own desires, or letting family dictate our boundaries? I never fully knew.

Manipulation, Ghosting, and Accusations:
Throughout our relationship, I repeatedly asked Cody if I needed to change, if he was happy, or if he wanted to break up. He always reassured me.
Then, after ghosting me, he told friends I was “mentally unstable, emotionally abusive, and manipulative.” He shared my struggles with a 14-year-old, forcing me into uncomfortable conversations, and later told friends he had been emotionally “checked out” months before—while initiating intimacy and calling me his wife.
I was blindsided. I had no way to reconcile his words with the closeness we shared.

The Birthday Hotel and Emotional Betrayal
I treated Cody to a hotel stay for my birthday on July 31st and bought gift cards for his September birthday. We were intimate and shared laughs—but then I learned, through a mutual friend, that Cody had emotionally checked out 2–3 months prior.
That meant all the gestures, intimacy, and affection might not have been real—or worse, that I had been taken advantage of emotionally and physically. This revelation left me questioning everything: the moments I cherished, the vulnerability I showed, the love I thought was mutual.

Reactive Abuse: Survivors in Survival Mode
After being blocked and cut off, I vented in a group chat of mutual friends and messaged some co-workers. I said things I regret, questioning his fairness and whether he had projected accusations onto others.
These reactions were messy—but they were human. When someone manipulates, gaslights, and isolates you, lashing out is natural. This is “reactive abuse”: when survivors react to manipulation. Survivors may look like villains, but that doesn’t erase the abuse that caused it.

The Aftermath:
Discovering Cody’s emotional detachment during our intimate months left me questioning the authenticity of our connection. Combined with ghosting, false accusations, and blurred boundaries, I felt powerless and unfairly vilified.
Manipulation thrives on confusion. Survivors may act out, vent, or lash out—but those moments do not erase the abuse they endured. Friends and families must understand that imperfect reactions do not equal guilt. They are often signs of trauma and survival.

I share this story not for sympathy, but for awareness. Being a survivor is complicated, especially when the world sees you as the villain. I hope that by sharing my experience, others will recognize manipulation, understand reactive abuse, and support survivors in compassionate, nonjudgmental ways.

I never imagined that opening my heart could make me a target. My story begins like many relationships: moments of kindness, shared experiences, and the thrill of connecting with someone new. But what I thought was love slowly became complicated, blurred by manipulation, miscommunication, and the intrusion of others into my life.
I write this not just for survivors, but for friends, families, and anyone trying to understand emotional abuse—especially when the survivor is painted as the villain.

Falling in Love and Trust:
I met Cody at Walmart while shopping for a holiday party. He was kind-hearted, offering to drop me off, but I declined because my place was out of the way. Later, we went rock climbing with a friend and ran errands together. When it started raining, he lent me his jacket. These small gestures felt meaningful and thoughtful.

From the start, Cody shared his past experiences with abuse and encouraged open conversations about boundaries. I shared my own struggles: depression, being autistic, past self-harm, and past experiences of being accused of abuse for expressing vulnerability. Cody reassured me that asking for help wasn’t wrong and promised he would communicate with me, especially regarding my fear of abandonment.
He remembered little details—favorite snacks, drinks, even Monster energy flavors—and would surprise me. At first, it didn’t feel controlling. It felt like care and love.

Blurred Boundaries and Family Dynamics:
Subtle imbalances appeared early. Cody once said he’d skip spending time with his dad to make me happy, framing himself as “always wrong” and me as “always right.”
His family added tension. When he invited me to his ice rink, his parents assumed I pressured him to let me come, even though he had asked me. I wanted to respect boundaries but also show support. Other situations blurred boundaries further: he invited me behind the counter at Starbucks, which felt like bonding, but a co-worker reported it, forcing Cody to leave the job.
Later, he considered becoming a flight attendant. I shared concerns about logistics and safety, and he assured me it was his decision. Months later, he accused me of giving him an ultimatum—rewriting history entirely.

Loss, Grief, and Hypocrisy:
In June, my father passed away. I witnessed the medical examiner removing his body and collected his belongings from his apartment. Cody’s father entered without asking—violating boundaries during one of the most painful moments of my life.
Yet when Cody’s cat passed away, I was excluded from the grieving process, framed as “not family.” It felt hypocritical: my grief was dismissed while theirs was protected. I constantly questioned Cody’s intentions. Was he acting on his own desires, or letting family dictate our boundaries? I never fully knew.

Manipulation, Ghosting, and Accusations:
Throughout our relationship, I repeatedly asked Cody if I needed to change, if he was happy, or if he wanted to break up. He always reassured me.
Then, after ghosting me, he told friends I was “mentally unstable, emotionally abusive, and manipulative.” He shared my struggles with a 14-year-old, forcing me into uncomfortable conversations, and later told friends he had been emotionally “checked out” months before—while initiating intimacy and calling me his wife.
I was blindsided. I had no way to reconcile his words with the closeness we shared.

The Birthday Hotel and Emotional Betrayal:
I treated Cody to a hotel stay for my birthday on July 31st and bought gift cards for his September birthday. We were intimate and shared laughs—but then I learned, through a mutual friend, that Cody had emotionally checked out 2–3 months prior.
That meant all the gestures, intimacy, and affection might not have been real—or worse, that I had been taken advantage of emotionally and physically. This revelation left me questioning everything: the moments I cherished, the vulnerability I showed, the love I thought was mutual.

Reactive Abuse: Survivors in Survival Mode
After being blocked and cut off, I vented in a group chat of mutual friends and messaged some co-workers. I said things I regret, questioning his fairness and whether he had projected accusations onto others.
These reactions were messy—but they were human. When someone manipulates, gaslights, and isolates you, lashing out is natural. This is “reactive abuse”: when survivors react to manipulation. Survivors may look like villains, but that doesn’t erase the abuse that caused it.

The Aftermath:
Discovering Cody’s emotional detachment during our intimate months left me questioning the authenticity of our connection. Combined with ghosting, false accusations, and blurred boundaries, I felt powerless and unfairly vilified.
Manipulation thrives on confusion. Survivors may act out, vent, or lash out—but those moments do not erase the abuse they endured. Friends and families must understand that imperfect reactions do not equal guilt. They are often signs of trauma and survival.

I share this story not for sympathy, but for awareness. Being a survivor is complicated, especially when the world sees you as the villain. I hope that by sharing my experience, others will recognize manipulation, understand reactive abuse, and support survivors in compassionate, nonjudgmental ways.

I never imagined that opening my heart could make me a target. My story begins like many relationships: moments of kindness, shared experiences, and the thrill of connecting with someone new. But what I thought was love slowly became complicated, blurred by manipulation, miscommunication, and the intrusion of others into my life.
I write this not just for survivors, but for friends, families, and anyone trying to understand emotional abuse—especially when the survivor is painted as the villain.

Falling in Love and Trust:
I met Cody at Walmart while shopping for a holiday party. He was kind-hearted, offering to drop me off, but I declined because my place was out of the way. Later, we went rock climbing with a friend and ran errands together. When it started raining, he lent me his jacket. These small gestures felt meaningful and thoughtful.
From the start, Cody shared his past experiences with abuse and encouraged open conversations about boundaries. I shared my own struggles: depression, being autistic, past self-harm, and past experiences of being accused of abuse for expressing vulnerability. Cody reassured me that asking for help wasn’t wrong and promised he would communicate with me, especially regarding my fear of abandonment.
He remembered little details—favorite snacks, drinks, even Monster energy flavors—and would surprise me. At first, it didn’t feel controlling. It felt like care and love.

Blurred Boundaries and Family Dynamics:
Subtle imbalances appeared early. Cody once said he’d skip spending time with his dad to make me happy, framing himself as “always wrong” and me as “always right.”
His family added tension. When he invited me to his ice rink, his parents assumed I pressured him to let me come, even though he had asked me. I wanted to respect boundaries but also show support. Other situations blurred boundaries further: he invited me behind the counter at Starbucks, which felt like bonding, but a co-worker reported it, forcing Cody to leave the job.
Later, he considered becoming a flight attendant. I shared concerns about logistics and safety, and he assured me it was his decision. Months later, he accused me of giving him an ultimatum—rewriting history entirely.

Loss, Grief, and Hypocrisy:
In June, my father passed away. I witnessed the medical examiner removing his body and collected his belongings from his apartment. Cody’s father entered without asking—violating boundaries during one of the most painful moments of my life.
Yet when Cody’s cat passed away, I was excluded from the grieving process, framed as “not family.” It felt hypocritical: my grief was dismissed while theirs was protected. I constantly questioned Cody’s intentions. Was he acting on his own desires, or letting family dictate our boundaries? I never fully knew.

Manipulation, Ghosting, and Accusations:
Throughout our relationship, I repeatedly asked Cody if I needed to change, if he was happy, or if he wanted to break up. He always reassured me.
Then, after ghosting me, he told friends I was “mentally unstable, emotionally abusive, and manipulative.” He shared my struggles with a 14-year-old, forcing me into uncomfortable conversations, and later told friends he had been emotionally “checked out” months before—while initiating intimacy and calling me his wife.
I was blindsided. I had no way to reconcile his words with the closeness we shared.

The Birthday Hotel and Emotional Betrayal:
I treated Cody to a hotel stay for my birthday on July 31st and bought gift cards for his September birthday. We were intimate and shared laughs—but then I learned, through a mutual friend, that Cody had emotionally checked out 2–3 months prior.
That meant all the gestures, intimacy, and affection might not have been real—or worse, that I had been taken advantage of emotionally and physically. This revelation left me questioning everything: the moments I cherished, the vulnerability I showed, the love I thought was mutual.

Reactive Abuse: Survivors in Survival Mode
After being blocked and cut off, I vented in a group chat of mutual friends and messaged some co-workers. I said things I regret, questioning his fairness and whether he had projected accusations onto others.
These reactions were messy—but they were human. When someone manipulates, gaslights, and isolates you, lashing out is natural. This is “reactive abuse”: when survivors react to manipulation. Survivors may look like villains, but that doesn’t erase the abuse that caused it.

The Aftermath:
Discovering Cody’s emotional detachment during our intimate months left me questioning the authenticity of our connection. Combined with ghosting, false accusations, and blurred boundaries, I felt powerless and unfairly vilified.
Manipulation thrives on confusion. Survivors may act out, vent, or lash out—but those moments do not erase the abuse they endured. Friends and families must understand that imperfect reactions do not equal guilt. They are often signs of trauma and survival.

I share this story not for sympathy, but for awareness. Being a survivor is complicated, especially when the world sees you as the villain. I hope that by sharing my experience, others will recognize manipulation, understand reactive abuse, and support survivors in compassionate, nonjudgmental ways.

Hi, my name is ShannonChang. I'm here because I want to make an article about my experiences with reactive abuse.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #ADHD #AutismSpectrumDisorder #PTSD

When you're talkin' to everyone

And they look through you

As if you aren't there

The shame burns, feeling like a fool

You should have known

That this place is a loaded gun

Blasting your issues into your brain

You know that you are better off shunned

Ancient wounds have me old before my time

But I'm too young to harden my heart

Young at heart as I turn to stone

Must keep my mind from flying apart

I don't know what you want from me

Or why you attack my thoughts and dreams

I stand before you all, my throat bared

This place compels me to share everything

Because my mind is bleeding

I wish I could keep it inside

Wish that no one was ever annoyed

By the words that wash an endless infection

From the hopes of a long gone little boy

Still talkin' to everyone

And I'm an echo or a ghost

I know what you want from me

Order to my thoughts and dreams

To stand before you all, my throat scarred

From abuse enforcing conformity

But sunshine doesn't bleed from me

I think of all the reasons

That I do not belong

Why do I stand here, neck deep in my own wounds?

What curse lies upon this place?

Maybe it had the scent of a safe glade

Where I could shed my skin.

Beneath my hide the monster hid

The scent was threatening, carnage in the air

The trap sprung as I spewed words unsafe, @everyone beware

The mods surrounded me with sharpened words

"This place is safe for us, not you, you who bears this curse."

I failed to fit

Too many times to ever return

Every try sees another bridge burn

I fled in the tatters of my skin

Bearing the weight of a grievous sin

I made others feel uncomfortable

While their attacks on me the mods ignored

The double standard a punishment I deserve

The wounded cannot be welcomed anywhere

When the lights are strange in haunted eyes

And the blood stains pages upon pages until we know why

I wander, on and on

Searching for a place beyond

The grind

The pitiless grind

Of people

I knew that I would not belong

Was it foolish to even try?

All I've ever known is rejection

As my hopes have slowly died.

Based on "Estranged," by Guns 'n' Roses. It describes my experiences at a Discord server.

#Depression #Suicide #Trauma #PTSD #MentalHealth #Disability #MightyPoets

I've come to the realization that I've been subjected to abuse my whole life both subtle and other. I just picked up on the fact that my mother has not only enabled the narcissistic abuse that has happened, but she has chosen men over me. I feel like I really do have to grieve over a mother I never had. I've never felt so neglected in my life. Let alone be abandoned by both parents in a number of ways. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma

@dannygautamawellness
I was with my BF for 12 years. Textbook narcissist. Not the father of my kids. He was removed by the RCMP in July 2020. He took all my jewelry, watches, and bank papers, to name a few. He put a lien on my house and ran away to Mexico. He’s tried to contact one of my daughters on Facebook and been shut down for the things he’s posted twice. Well he’s back. He contacted her again yesterday, under a different name. No problem, she blocked him. The problem is that he has contacted her on her work website. She’s only been at this job for 6 months. He’s a sketchy dude and I don’t like this one bit! Why can’t he just leave us alone? It’s been 5 years. He’s caused enough damage. He knows he can get to me through this daughter. And he does. Don’t mess with my kids! If you read to the end Thank You! This is also why I don’t usually reply to messages I receive in this inbox. I’m not sure what I need but I could sure use a hug. I’m thankful for this safe place to vent. I hope everyone has a Great Day! Be kind ✌️

All About Bullying And Abuse
Bullying can come in a couple different forms.
Physical Bullying is when someone physically attacks or hurts you in some way.
Verbal bullying includes name calling, gossiping, or threatening someone.
Non-Verbal Abuse includes hand signals, signs, or text messages.
Emotional Abuse includes threatening, intimidating, or humiliating someone.
Exclusion or Neglect includes ignoring or isolating someone.
If you experience any type of bullying please speak up or ask an adult that you trust for help because it is very bad for our mental health to not say anything.