Why I Want My Son to Know the Reasons I Cry


I have a beautiful, perfect boy who has autism and I want him to know how I feel about him, so I wrote this letter.

My Dearest Son,

I want to clarify some things. Every time you saw me tired, every time you saw me cry, every time you saw me worry and every time you heard me ask “why”… I want you to know that it wasn’t you, my perfect child.

I have had many days were I was exhausted and I have cried many tears. I have spent many nights worrying and many moments asking “why” but again, they weren’t because of you, my sweet boy.

Then why, you might ask? The answer is simple…

The world still believes in old myths.

The world has prejudices as its guide.

The world has fear as its shield.

The world hasn’t learned true acceptance… yet.

I am tired of having to explain how you’re not broken.

I cry because people see you as less than.

I worry because I won’t always be there for you.

And I ask why… why can’t people just believe in the beauty of autism.

Autism is nothing to fear or pity.

Autism isn’t a disease or an adverse reaction to a vaccine.

Autism isn’t weird or something to be cured.

Autism is just a different way of being, and if the world could just stop for a moment and truly look at autism with clear eyes… they would see what I see.

A beautiful child.

The Mighty is asking its readers the following: What’s one secret about you or your loved one’s disability and/or disease that no one talks about? If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to [email protected] Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio.

Want to end the stigma around disability? Like us on Facebook.

And sign up for what we hope will be your favorite thing to read at night.

TOPICS
JOIN THE CONVERSATION

Related to Autism Spectrum Disorder

To the Insurance Company That Said My Child Has ‘No Restorative Potential’

Dear Kaiser Permanente, This afternoon we received your letter informing us of your decision to deny our 6-year-old daughter occupational therapy because she demonstrated, in your words, “no restorative potential.” This was quite a blow. Not the part about denying OT (at this point, denials from you are a dime a dozen, no offense). If [...]

Why We Take the Risks That Come With Motherhood

I can’t think of anything as fragile as a momma’s heart. Before having kids, I might have never thought that or truly understood it. But being a momma breaks your heart. I mean, I can’t think of anything more potentially heartbreaking. Sure, if you lose a spouse, parent or someone close, it’s an undeniable loss. But the thought [...]

What I Want All Special Needs Moms to Know on Mother’s Day

I am a mom to not one, but two beautiful kids with special needs. Being a mom is great on its own, but being a special needs mom doesn’t just mean being a mom. It also means… Being an advocate. Being a therapist. Being a teacher. Being a researcher of diagnoses and diseases. Being an IEP professional. [...]

Why I Used to (Really) Hate My Mom

One day in my sixth-grade science class, a discussion on albinism came up. Albinism is a “group of inherited disorders characterized by a reduced or lack of pigment that normally gives color to the skin, hair and eyes.” It’s a term that’s been thrown around my whole life, even though I don’t show the usual characteristics of [...]