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Why I Want My Son to Know the Reasons I Cry

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I have a beautiful, perfect boy who has autism and I want him to know how I feel about him, so I wrote this letter.

My Dearest Son,

I want to clarify some things. Every time you saw me tired, every time you saw me cry, every time you saw me worry and every time you heard me ask “why”… I want you to know that it wasn’t you, my perfect child.

I have had many days were I was exhausted and I have cried many tears. I have spent many nights worrying and many moments asking “why” but again, they weren’t because of you, my sweet boy.

Then why, you might ask? The answer is simple…

The world still believes in old myths.

The world has prejudices as its guide.

The world has fear as its shield.

The world hasn’t learned true acceptance… yet.

I am tired of having to explain how you’re not broken.

I cry because people see you as less than.

I worry because I won’t always be there for you.

And I ask why… why can’t people just believe in the beauty of autism.

Autism is nothing to fear or pity.

Autism isn’t a disease or an adverse reaction to a vaccine.

Autism isn’t weird or something to be cured.

Autism is just a different way of being, and if the world could just stop for a moment and truly look at autism with clear eyes… they would see what I see.

A beautiful child.

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Originally published: May 11, 2015
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