When You're Blinded by the Fog of Depression
I can feel it coming. This darkness gradually creeping up on me. It’s not the first time it’s been around and I know it’s not going to be the last. I fear for what each time will bring. I don’t want to go back to that dark place and I question whether I’m strong enough to survive it again.
It starts to latch on to me. Grasping its hands around my neck. Squeezing out all my hope and destroying any will to live with each touch.
It’s pulling me down to that dark place I know oh so well. The darkness is closing in on me and my mind is racing with even darker thoughts. I’m not thinking rationally and I can’t see clearly because of this overwhelming darkness.
It’s consuming me. Like black fog clouding my face so I can no longer see the light. This black fog I’m caught in by no choice of my own rules my life. It’s isolated me from my support and from all of those who care about me. I’m blinded by this fog. Everything is black, so I can’t see see my family and friends. I can’t see their arms, reaching out, trying to save me from this horrible fog. I can barely think about getting through the next five minutes, let alone the next day or week. It’s clouding my vision, making my life a horrible shade of black. With this fog everything seems so impossible.
But somehow in amongst all this darkness, I find hope. It’s sometimes triggered by something as little as a stranger’s smile, a child’s greeting or a loved one’s touch. The smallest thing can give you hope. And it’s hope you need to get through this rough time. You hold on to that hope — that’s what gets you through.
Being in the fog is not a pleasant experience. It can make you a miserable person and it certainly challenges you. But if you can hold on to even a tiny bit of hope, it will help. This might give you the strength to grab on to that loved one’s hand who’s trying to support you. And with that support and hope the fog will ease, and the sun will come out again.
If you or someone you know needs help, see our suicide prevention resources.
If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.