To the Person Wondering How Not to Take Stares Personally


Since I started my blog Beautifully Marked, I get asked a lot of questions, and I would like to address the ones that seem to intrigue a lot of people.

“How did you get to the point of not caring what other people think about you, your birthmark/appearance?”

“How do you not take the stares and comments personally?”

It’s true. Someone stares at my birthmark while out shopping? It doesn’t bother me. Someone makes a rude comment while I’m out or on social media (Internet bullying)? I let it go. The constant messages I get (especially from working in the beauty industry) about trying to sell me products so I can cover that “thing” on my face? They don’t bother me, and I am able to respond in a positive way to others and then get on with my day.

It wasn’t always like that. It’s been one year since I was taught what I am about to teach you, and it forever changed my life.

Would you like to know how to do that? Would you like to know how to teach your child to do that? To not take things personally?

I’ll start off by saying everything I learned, I learned from who I consider to be the best therapist and her Mind Mastery and Limitless Faith seminars. This is how I made this change in my life and how you can, too.

Give yourself permission to learn the truth about why others may say or do hurtful things. Give yourself permission to understand and let it go, not to personalize it.

Read what I’m about to say (out loud if you can) with power and intent to change your life. Read it slowly and savor and understand each sentence. Read it over and over again if you want.

OK, here it is.

“I give myself permission to release the fears, patterns and beliefs that have caused me to live my life as if what people say or do to me is personal, accurate and true. This has created fear and defensiveness in me. As a result, my patterns of interacting with others has been fear based on when other people’s opinions of me appear negative or their actions seemed to indicate they were rejecting me.

“I now replace this with a firm confidence that other people’s opinions are never about me no matter how much they try and make me think they are by hurtful, accusing words they use, or any dismissive or diminishing ways they might treat me. An opinion is simply a revealing of what’s in that other person’s mind. An opinion is the mirror the other person holds up to reveal what they think, what they fear, what they are trying to deal with, even if they are revealing themselves by trying to get me to take ownership of their junk so they can feel better. It’s never personal!

I now firmly hold the truth that life is too short to be wasted on personalizing others’ opinions and being miserable as a result. Instead I now choose to spend my days walking in and joy, and forgiveness of others for their unkind words and actions. I do this because I can now recognize all unkindness is really a result of fear and internal pain. I can empathize with that because I have enough of my own over the years and have hurt others without intention because of it, too. I forgive them because I too need forgiveness… I accept these truths now!” — Valerie Dimick*

I read this over and over again daily until I fully understood it, and I still read it out loud all the time when someone says something hurtful, with or without intention.

There are times when things can be hurtful, but that sting only lasts moments if you understand that other people’s hurtful words only reflect their own insecurities, and it literally has nothing to do with you! It’s a matter of them using you as a personal punching bag for their own hurt and pain.

What happens now?

For some this may be an instant “aha” moment, while for others it can be an extremely difficult process, but don’t give up. This will spread so much positivity in your life. It’s so refreshing when someone says something hurtful and you have an “I don’t give a crap” attitude.

To the guy on social media who said I was the ugliest person he’s ever seen — screw you.

To the many who message me with makeup products to “cover that thing on my face” — um, no thanks!

I have a new perspective on life. I truly don’t care what others think, and it is an incredible feeling. Not that initially it can’t sting for a second, but that’s it… a second. Then I go on with my day. Don’t you want that?

Now this doesn’t mean letting others walk all over you and say and do whatever they want. There are times to defend yourself. This simply is not letting their own personal opinions affect of your life.

If you’re reading this to help your child, I would also suggest reading how to respond to the comments on your child’s birthmark, which can also go to any child who has any sort of physical difference. I believe it is helpful.

How can this change your life? Think about it for a minute. If you accept this process into your life, where does that fear go?

No more being afraid of going out and showing your true self, no more being scared of interacting with others, no more fear of being rejected, no more fear of not being good enough to someone else… and where does that lead?

It leads to so many new possibilities!

Rachel Anderson

Follow this journey on Beautifully Marked.

*Editor’s note: This quote has been edited for clarity and was written down by Rachel at one of Valerie’s seminars.


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Other

19 People With Invisible Illnesses Describe What It Feels Like to Be 'Invisible'

When you’re sick, the last thing you want is to feel like no one understands or even believes you. But that’s the reality for many people with invisible illnesses. Since friends and acquaintances can’t “see” the symptoms, they may not be as supportive or empathetic of invisible illnesses as they would be for other conditions. We asked [...]

People Confront Negative Thoughts About Themselves in Bold Photo Series

This photo project is aiming to remind people of something important — negative thoughts often have another side. Abbe Dembowitz, a 22-year-old student at Pace University in New York City, started the Turn It Around Project to help people shift their perspectives. The project consists of about 50 photos so far, where people write their innermost fears, [...]

A Letter to Snapchat About a Blatant Oversight With Your New Lenses

Dear Team Snapchat, Firstly and before I start with the gist of my letter, please know I am a daily user of your app, and so are many of my friends and family members. Although I like what you have done with the app since it first launched, adding different filters followed by adding fun lenses, [...]

Nike to Release Next Model in Line of Disability-Accessible Shoes

Nike is back with a new shoe following the same disability-acessible model that made a splash over summer. In July 2015, Nike and professional basketball player LeBron James debuted an incredible new shoe with a special zip-up technology that allowed people with disabilities to put on and fasten up the shoe themselves. A special edition [...]