When I Made a List of Things I Wished My Husband Would Say After I Got Sick


I wrote a very poignant post listing things I wish my husband would say to me now that I am sick. I thought long and hard about hitting the “publish” button. Was it too private? Probably. Would it be better for me to just tell him rather than tell all of you? Again, probably. I saved the draft and let myself think about it for a few days.

I was surprised by my final decision. I scrapped the post, but not because of privacy or a better method of communication. I scrapped it because I felt it was far too selfish. I have a whole team of people to take care of me: doctors, friends, family members, etc. My husband, on the other hand, is in this alone. While I wish he would always say the perfect words that I need to hear at exactly the right time, I began to wonder what he needed to hear from me.

My first answer was: less. He definitely needs to hear less from you.

I am quite a talker, and I am certain the poor man could use a break from my words. After the two-day crying fest about losing my hair, I told my husband that he owed my friends thank-you notes. They spared him from a lot of the drama. He got the residual tears — my friends bore the majority of them in a lunch, a breakfast, a few short visits, and some phone calls. I have amazing friends. I will tell you more about them in another post.

What else does my husband need to hear from me?  How about:

Thank you.

I love you.

I am here for you, too.

Put yourself first every once in a while.

Get away from me when you can for a guys’ night out.

Find someone who you can really talk to.

I am not fragile. Let me handle a few of our problems.

If you have ever been in the position to care for a sick spouse, what did you need to hear?

This post originally appeared on Living with Relapsing Polychondritis.

The Mighty is asking the following: What do you want your past, current or future partner to know about being with someone with your disability, disease or mental illness? If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to [email protected] Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

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