3 Reasons I Want to Be Alone When I'm Depressed
There’s a lot of good loved ones can do for a person who suffers from depression. Being supportive and understanding are great ways to help someone cope. Being there for them is so important, but being there can mean different things. And if you’re like me, I need my loved ones to be there for me from a distance. There are three reasons why I like to be alone during a depressive episode, and because they want to do whatever they can to help me, my friends and family oblige.
1. I don’t want to cry in front of anyone.
I know it isn’t healthy to hide my emotions, so I won’t. And I know it’s OK to cry, so I will. But crying in front of others makes me uncomfortable, and that’s not how I want to feel on top of feeling down. I have a fear of appearing weak, even when I’m assured I’m not. I have a fear of being judged, even though my friends and family promise they won’t judge. I will cry, I will get the emotion out, but I’d prefer to do it alone.
2. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
During a depressive episode, I’m easily annoyed and irritable, especially with those around me. I feel like I can’t control my emotions or how I project them, and I don’t want to take my unpleasant attitude out on those who are only trying to help me. It would make me feel so much worse were I to snap at someone and hurt their feelings, and I really don’t want to feel worse.
3. I’m not ready to talk… yet.
When I’m in the throws of depression, it’s hard for me to explain what I’m feeling to those who ask. I don’t want to keep those feelings to myself because I know they could manifest into something more, but I’d rather write about them, journal them out instead of talk right away. If my feelings get to be too much or if my thoughts turn scary, I will reach out, and I will talk. But not until I’m ready.
I know a symptom of depression is the want to be isolated, but it’s not that I want to be alone, I need to be alone. Maybe it’s just me, but that is what I need. I know this can worry those close to me, which is why I promise to reach out when I need help. This is the support I need from my friends and family when I’m depressed. Support from a distance. They can still be there for me, without being there beside me.
If you or someone you know needs help, see our suicide prevention resources.
If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.