To You, Who Loves Me Through My Anxiety


I know at times you don’t understand this dark shadow that follows me. It has to be hard fighting those demons you don’t feel, let alone see. Many times I feel like I’m spiraling downward with nothing to help stop me, just endlessly falling into a black abyss with no hope to catch me.

I had always been afraid of you seeing that dark side, but you waited patiently for me to let you in.

Before you, I just kept pushing down all of the haunted feelings, letting them eventually build and bubble over. It wasn’t healthy, but I’m not one to admit I need help. Now, you’re the bright light, the fighter of my shadows, the hand that catches me. When I’m in that dark corner feeling like I’m losing my mind, you don’t look at me like I’m crazy — you look at me like you care. I’ve never had that. The concern in your eyes is enough to bring tears to mine.

Let me try to explain how I see and feel an “episode” through my eyes: It starts with just a nagging gut feeling, then the thoughts of being not good enough start creeping in. Then it takes all I have to not cry and disconnect from the world. Sometimes I do feel it would be a better place if I just hid away. From there, I just can’t muster up the strength, no matter how hard I try, to be happy.

Then, just when I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom, you appear. You pull me in and hug all my broken pieces together. You never take your supportive hands off me, and you look right in my eyes and say the most important words I will ever hear in my life — “I am here for you and everything will be fine.” You remind me the feeling will pass and that I am so so so loved.

Finally, you never take credit. You try to make me feel empowered. I love that you say I did it, I conquered my anxiety. But I didn’t do it alone. You were the big reason I made it out. I wish everyone who is accompanied by anxiety had someone as selfless and caring as you. You are my support, my bright light and most importantly my best friend.

MIGHTY PARTNER RESOURCES

I just want to say thank you.

The Mighty is asking its readers the following: Write a thank you letter to someone you realize you don’t thank enough. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

TOPICS
JOIN THE CONVERSATION

Related to Anxiety

student reading in the library

To the Teacher Who Said I'd Never Make It to Senior Year

Though I was only diagnosed my freshman year of high school, I have been dealing with symptoms of depression and anxiety my whole life. During my freshman year of college, my mental health hit its lowest point in a lifelong spiral downward, and the one person I wanted to talk to didn’t understand me.  Now, [...]
miss district of columbia

How I Would Have Answered Miss USA's Final Question, as an Anxious Woman

I was in a teen scholarship pageant once so I like to think I still know what judges look for. I was impressed by the responses from Miss District of Columbia. After she was crowned, I screamed in my living room. She deserved it, and there is nothing like seeing a woman who looks like [...]
Chart of a girl having a panic attack

If You're an Introvert With Anxiety, These Comics Are for You

Attention anyone with anxiety who spent time in class with their head down doodling in a notebook: This is a comic series for you. It’s called Introvert Doodles and started as a “self-pep talk” by a comic who goes by Marzi. She was inspired to explore her identity as an introvert after a personality test made her realize [...]
Peaceful woman finding body and mind balance

How Mindfulness Helps Me Cope With Anxiety and Depression

When I’m depressed or anxious, it can be hard for me to remember what makes me happy or what calms me down. Every coping skill I’ve learned in therapy seems to fly out of my head and disappear elsewhere. I used to let the depression or anxiety take over and control my mind, and would [...]