This is why you shouldn't be ambiguous in therapy (I think it was just a misunderstanding/unclear communication but lolololol oops 😒😬)
[on schema therapy/trauma therapy, 03Nov]
Dude: well I do think letter-writing might work, as a gentler form of schema therapy. & you like writing/are comfortable with it, aren't you?
Dude: Okay, then as discussed - write a letter to your younger self based on what we discussed today ..
Dude: so did you do it? What have you got ..
Me: I could read it? In extracts if you're concerned it's a bit long?
Me: "& denying your Sadness will just teach you never to cry ... which is an insane logic that you're going to internalise. ... and you don't have an answer. It's just, Wrong, to you. Like shame. Like childishness. Like .. failure. Crying is the sound, feel, taste, and shape, of failure."
Dude: How was the whole experience for you - what was therapeutic about talking to your younger self about it?
Me: Don't know - I think it was helpful to erm, put my thoughts into words though. Like I never could put precise words to why crying is bad. But now I think I've got it - "Like shame. Like childishness. Like .. failure. Crying is the sound, feel, taste, and shape, of failure."
Dude: ... .. . [I swear he had the "this is not what I intended" look on his face]
🤔🙃😬 oops I'm sorry! 😆🤣
I think he's concerned that I'm just reinforcing wrong messages to myself in writing 🥴 But at the same time, see - he didn't clarify again, tsk 🙃
Based on personal past experience of actual imagery rescripting, you're supposed to rewrite the memory to make it safe - and the way I was taught it with a previous psych [intern] was to introduce a safe/comfy person on the scene. Lol. So had I kept this in mind intentionally, I would have written something like "Crying is the sound, feel, taste, and shape, of failure ... so you think. But at some point, you will meet P, a safe person, who will help you realise that's not necessarily true .."
Or something like that 🙃😬😂
But it's okay - I told him, perhaps we can just get the shape of my shame/sadness first, and reshape it later. He also said, I could add new reflections or additional recollections later on/over time, which is helpful too. So for now, we're good. As in even if we're working on the assumption of no prior knowledge of imagery rescripting, I think it can still work, just a few more interim steps to start.
BUT STILL P. Ohmygoodness. 😒😂😒😂😒😂🤦♀️
But overall. I'm thankful for less threatening, slower paced options in the direction of what's helpful. Hahaha. I do think schema therapy is a bit more targeted to personal trauma and less .. like ... blind behaviour correction lol.
But 🤦♀️🤦♂️- this is classssic "but you didn't teach me, Y U no teach me" - thankfully, issssokay, managed to figure. Tsk 🙃 & I'll be writing my next letter for therapy homework with imagery rescripting processes in mind 😆
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