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    What’s one thing you want to experience in life?

    When you live with a health condition or a disability, it can be hard to dream when your day-to-day life feels overwhelming. The “now” can suck up your time and leave little time for the “next” — we totally get it!

    But if you could do ONE thing in your life, what would it be? It could be a place you want to visit, something you want to achieve, experience or overcome. Perhaps there is someone famous who you want to meet or a particular hobby you want to explore.

    Dream big, Mighty fam (even if it’s just for today).

    #MightyMinute #DistractMe #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Disability #RareDisease #Parenting #Autism

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    Hold your ground

    The world loves to test you. It will send the most destructive people your way to try to break you. Many times it will win. But many times, the only reason it wins is because you think you have to win. Fortunately, there comes a time when you realize that you don't need to get involved in other people's nonsense. When people come and try to stir trouble or disrupt your way of being, have the confidence in yourself to not get involved. You don't have to prove yourself or explain yourself to anyone. Does anyone do this?

    I’m a 3x “Top Writer” of Mental Health, Psychology, and Self Improvement articles on Medium. This week’s article is about Covid and depression:

    thomas-ousterhout.medium.com/the-declined-suicide-rate-durin...

    ~ Thanks to all. Thanks for all. ~

    #MentalHealth #Depression #Suicide #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dissociativedisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Cancer #RareDisease #Disability #Autism #Diabetes #EatingDisorders #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #SchizophreniaSpectrumPsychoticDisorders

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    Numb

    A week and a half ago I was permanently laid off from my work that I had been doing since January 2021. Prior to that I was in a layoff from travel since April 2020 because of the pandemic. I started a new job this past Wednesday.

    My back is killing me. I feel numb and lack feeling about the job. I took it because I need a paycheque.

    I’m going to be 45 next month. What is clear is that I am failing as an adult. My body is continually kicking me in the butt between anxiety attacks, panic attacks, IBS attacks, and just deep depression.

    Medical help here is awful. I don’t trust any of them. I have no friends I can talk to and I won’t talk to my family because I feel brushed off.

    I had been feeling hopeful for the future. Now I’m living minutr by minute.

    I have lost 14 lbs in the past two weeks.

    I want to run away.

    I called in sick today. Legitimately. But still. I needed to heal before my next job but there isn’t the savings to allow for that. The pandemic has been expensive. When I woke up this morning I was incredibly nauseous and my spine, face, and legs felt numb.

    This isn’t a happy post. I’m sorry about that. I just have no one else to say to how unhappy and scared I am. #AnxietyAttack #Depression #Loneliness #IrritableBowelSyndromeIBS #BackPain

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    What's on your mental health gift wish list?

    It’s that time of year when it seems like everyone is talking about gifts and wish lists, and every store has a gift guide.

    But we know living with mental illness means our wish lists sometimes look a little different.

    So tell us — what’s on your mental illness gift list? It can be a product, but it can also be a service, a decrease in pain — whatever you desire!

    (I would personally love it if my insurance company couldn't refuse to cover any of medications and for there to be more sunlight... But realistically, I could use a gift card to my favorite coffee shop and a guided CBT-based journal.)

    #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Bipolar #BPD #DistractMe

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    therapy day: Nov 2022 🤦‍♀️🙈

    This is why you shouldn't be ambiguous in therapy (I think it was just a misunderstanding/unclear communication but lolololol oops 😒😬)

    [on schema therapy/trauma therapy, 03Nov]

    Dude: well I do think letter-writing might work, as a gentler form of schema therapy. & you like writing/are comfortable with it, aren't you?

    Me: Yepperrrrrs.

    Dude: Okay, then as discussed - write a letter to your younger self based on what we discussed today ..

    [30Nov]

    Dude: so did you do it? What have you got ..

    Me: I could read it? In extracts if you're concerned it's a bit long?

    Me: "& denying your Sadness will just teach you never to cry ... which is an insane logic that you're going to internalise. ... and you don't have an answer. It's just, Wrong, to you. Like shame. Like childishness. Like .. failure. Crying is the sound, feel, taste, and shape, of failure."

    Dude: How was the whole experience for you - what was therapeutic about talking to your younger self about it?

    Me: Don't know - I think it was helpful to erm, put my thoughts into words though. Like I never could put precise words to why crying is bad. But now I think I've got it - "Like shame. Like childishness. Like .. failure. Crying is the sound, feel, taste, and shape, of failure."

    Dude: ... .. . [I swear he had the "this is not what I intended" look on his face]

    🤔🙃😬 oops I'm sorry! 😆🤣

    I think he's concerned that I'm just reinforcing wrong messages to myself in writing 🥴 But at the same time, see - he didn't clarify again, tsk 🙃

    Based on personal past experience of actual imagery rescripting, you're supposed to rewrite the memory to make it safe - and the way I was taught it with a previous psych [intern] was to introduce a safe/comfy person on the scene. Lol. So had I kept this in mind intentionally, I would have written something like "Crying is the sound, feel, taste, and shape, of failure ... so you think. But at some point, you will meet P, a safe person, who will help you realise that's not necessarily true .."

    Or something like that 🙃😬😂

    But it's okay - I told him, perhaps we can just get the shape of my shame/sadness first, and reshape it later. He also said, I could add new reflections or additional recollections later on/over time, which is helpful too. So for now, we're good. As in even if we're working on the assumption of no prior knowledge of imagery rescripting, I think it can still work, just a few more interim steps to start.

    BUT STILL P. Ohmygoodness. 😒😂😒😂😒😂🤦‍♀️

    But overall. I'm thankful for less threatening, slower paced options in the direction of what's helpful. Hahaha. I do think schema therapy is a bit more targeted to personal trauma and less .. like ... blind behaviour correction lol.

    But 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♂️- this is classssic "but you didn't teach me, Y U no teach me" - thankfully, issssokay, managed to figure. Tsk 🙃 & I'll be writing my next letter for therapy homework with imagery rescripting processes in mind 😆

    #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #therapythoughts

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    Struggling to accept acceptance

    Something that keeps sticking in my mind lately is this idea of Acceptance in the stages of grief. I think that when you are chronically ill, you end up spending months, if not years, cycling through the stages of grief. We Deny. We feel Pain—both chronic, and emotional. We feel Guilt for all the things we can no longer do. We Anger at our mounting disabilities, and we Bargain. Depression that existed before, becomes infinitely worse. Anxiety or occasional Depression becomes something more permanent, that twines itself into your mental and emotional state within this vacuum of lost time.

    We Reflect. On the past, all that we have lost, the limitations placed upon our futures. Chronic illness makes philosophers of us all. And in all this reflection many of us find that we gain new insight into what it means to live, only for this enlightenment to deepen our feelings of Despair and Loneliness.

    Acceptance can be elusive.

    Often, just as you settle into your new normal, some unforeseen event upsets the balance you managed to create out of chaos. We spend days endlessly trying. The illness is trying. The uninformed world made up of doctors, carers, spectators, friends and family, can be really trying. Trying to navigate life with a chronic illness is no easy task in a society that wants us whole, or dying, without much room for anything in between. I always think of “The Beach” when they move their dying friend out of camp, so they don’t have to bare witness to his pain and suffering. In doing so, they relieve themselves of the burden of a prolonged state of grief. Nice for those who are healthy and able to lean out and turn their heads away from suffering.

    Betrayal writ large for those of us who do not have this luxury.

    This is where I have a problem with the idea of Acceptance. I can accept that my health is what it is now, and I understand why my most of my friends have moved me out of their mental village. It’s difficult for me to live with my failing health, and when you don’t know what to say, I can see how it just becomes easier to say nothing at all. What I find Unacceptable is how much support my family, my own blood, have happily accepted from me over the years, and can’t even be bothered to read up my illness as one of my friends did of her own accord. I don’t need anyone to get the words right to show up for me, it can be as simple as showing willing.

    Trying to support someone is supporting someone.

    The other thing that makes Acceptance of my new normal difficult, is that I have yet to get any formal diagnosis. In mid January it will be 6 months since my first trip to hospital. Where my trust that I can rely on doctors to support my health was thin before, it is now almost non existent. Considering all of the many doctors I saw while in hospital, failed to recognise that I was suffering from medication induced hyperthyroidism, so that the thyroxine they sent me home with only made me worse so that I eventually broke out in angry hives one morning after taking it.

    I still have some way to go in finding out what is wrong with me, but while I still have the bandwidth to advocate for myself, I will continue to search for answers. Because I cannot Accept having no diagnosis, and no direction. The only light at the end of that particular tunnel is surely a diminishing one. I shouldn’t have to Accept fighting for my health alone, but I will shoulder it in the face of having no other choice, which I guess is a grudging kind of acceptance.

    I will keep surviving and I will keep trying for as long as I am able to do so. And in the event that I succeed in recovering some of my health, I will be prearmed with the knowledge of how “happy” people will be for me; some may even describe me as being “brave” as if that means something. And I know I can count on at least one person to tell me how well I looked while I spent this time stuck on the platform between the realms of the able and the disabled. Some people just can’t help themselves, and fail to see how this presents as the most backhanded compliment you can pay to any person who has experienced long term physical disability.

    It’s all very trying… but I guess that’s why it’s called grief.

    #Grief #StagesOfGrief #MyCondition #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ChronicIllness #ChronicFatigue #Hyperthyroidism #Depression #Loneliness #MightyTogether #InvisibleIllness #InvisibleDisability

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