To My Best Friend, Who Didn't Run Away From My Inner Demons
Dear Best Friend,
I know I can be quite a handful. I never know what mood I’m going to be in, or what is going to trigger an anxiety attack, not to mention all of the plans I make and then cancel because I just can’t handle it. I exhaust myself; I can only imagine what it is like to be someone who loves me.
I still remember the day you met my internal demons. I had been up for 24 hours, my mind raging with panic. You called and said you were going to stop by. I was too worn out to try to pretend I was OK.
I wonder what ran through your mind when you walked in the door. My tear stained face, half dressed, voice almost gone from crying, from screaming. My brain was too loud for me to form words, I could only apologize to you. I could only apologize to myself.
I was so ashamed.
But you didn’t leave. You didn’t run away. Instead, you went home and researched anxiety. You learned how to help me. You learned how my brain works. That’s the single most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me.
Since the day I opened up the door to my mind and let you in, you have gripped my hand with the strength of someone who isn’t afraid. You have answered every 2 a.m. phone call, every frantic text message. You have left parties and social events 10 minutes after arriving, simply because I am overwhelmed. You have patiently reassured me that you still love me, over and over and over again.
My friend, you have been a quiet voice and a steady heartbeat when I needed it the most. Thank you for showing me that even though I’m a handful sometimes, I’m worth it.
All of us, with our messiness and our mismatched puzzle pieces…
We’re worth it.