“I’m so sick of everything being such drama with her! Just get over it!”
I was sitting in a lecture room prepared for the session. I’d done all the prep work two days before to calm my anxiety as much as possible. My leg was still shaking my leg in class. Then, a surprise mock test was given out.
To many, this might feel shocking or unexpected, but for those with anxiety, it’s like being punched in the face.
The anxiety that follows can be debilitating, especially if you’re fighting off a panic attack and trying to remain as calm and “normal” as you can — only to then hear a friend of all people say, “Ugh, I’m so sick of everything being such a drama with her! Just get over it.”
The whole world you’d built up with trust and understanding suddenly comes crashing down. The safety you thought you had with that friend disappears, and you’re back to feeling alone and isolated once again.
Everyone’s a stranger.
The reminder of how little people understand, even those close to you, hits you like a train, and the heavy weight of the burden you carry becomes obvious yet again. You feel like someone in a world parallel to theirs; you can talk and interact but you’re reminded you’re different, the rules of their world are entirely different to yours, and they’ll never truly understand what it’s like living on your side.
It’s hard to tell which pain is worse, the pain and guilt from “burdening” others with your problem or that no one understands. Believe it or not, it’s not fun for us either.
We’re sick of the drama that comes with anxiety. We hate how unexpected it is and how quickly it takes control. No one wants to struggle, and we don’t want to be a burden, so when a friend becomes “sick of us,” we remember everyone’s a stranger and it’s easier to stay like that because then fewer people get hurt.
“Just get over it.”
The phrase that makes you realize people don’t understand you. Even those closest to you feel like strangers who may never see the world you live in the way you do, and it makes life hard, and it makes you push people away.
But despite all this, there are people in your world who understand. There are people who can help. The difficulty is just finding them in the sea of strangers you wade through every day.