Bekah Georgy Shares What Dressing for Summer With an Eating Disorder Is Like

Bekah Georgy Magazine Spread

When Bekah Georgy looks in the mirror, her body looks distorted. “Gazing into a mirror for me, is like a ‘normal’ person looking into a fun house mirror,” Georgy, who is in treatment for anorexia, said.

Georgy has spent the past 13 years trying to achieve her idea of a “perfect” body. “For 13 years I have literally been starving myself to death just to be thin enough,” she said. “There is always that ounce of fat I believe is there, or a spot that isn’t toned enough.”

Georgy, from New Hampshire, admits some may find her body matches what society considers a “beach body.” However, Georgy disagrees. “I normally love the beach but I feel like I don’t have the right body to wear a bikini,” she said. “I’m not toned enough, not tan enough, not thin enough. So I avoid going at all costs, and if I do, I won’t take off my cover up.”

Given the way Georgy feels about her body, summer consistently challenges the 23-year-old. Unable to hide her body under sweaters and sweatpants, Georgy’s anorexia tends to get worse. In addition to having anorexia, Georgy also lives with gastroparesis and postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS). “I had three feeding tubes put in and removed from my abdomen, leaving obvious scars,” she said. “I also have self-harm scars I would rather hide. I feel that when people look at me in a bathing suit they are judging me by these scars.”

Georgy also has a nasojejunal tube (NJ-tube) – a visible tube that runs from her nose to the middle section of her small intestine – which adds to her insecurities.

Should Georgy find herself able to dress for the beach, there is no guarantee her conditions can physically withstand the summer heat. “ My POTS makes it almost impossible to sit outside longer than 15 minutes without feeling like I am going to collapse,” she said. “Mix in the gastroparesis, where I have a hard enough time getting in fluids, the heat doesn’t help that either.”

Put together, Georgy feels her conditions force her to stay indoors. “If I do go out, I have to wear shorts and tank tops,” she said. “But the image of the ‘beach body’ weighs on my mind so much that I would rather stay inside and hide.”

Read More: This Is What It Looks Like When You Feature Disabled and Chronically Ill People in Magazines

Next: Ros Limbo Fights Her Body Insecurities in the Summer

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Anorexia Nervosa

Woman looking in mirror

I'm 'Sitting Shiva' for My Anorexic Body

When you’re recovering from an anorexia relapse, there are both visual and spatial components involved in the weight restoration adjustment period.  Experiencing, and dealing with, a new, larger body feels difficult and distressing. Through each recovery interval, I’ve struggled with the discomfort of both elements. Of the two, I find visual stimulus more triggering. Even [...]
Lonely teenage girl in classroom

What I Wish My Teachers Knew About My Eating Disorder

It isn’t that I was losing the motivation to succeed, or was becoming lazier in the course of my high school career. I wasn’t lying down in class because I didn’t get enough sleep the night before. I didn’t skip your classes because I didn’t care. I didn’t sit in the bathroom because I thought [...]
illustration of woman's face, partly covered by hair

What Eating Disorder Recovery Actually Looks Like

First, let me set one thing straight: I did not choose anorexia. Anorexia chose me. I didn’t know what an eating disorder was until I had one. I believe that in my case, anorexia was a manifestation of screwed-up chemicals in my brain, triggering events that may have happened in my past and/or genetics. Anorexia [...]

20 Insights From Someone in Anorexia Recovery

Disclaimer: This article is based on my story and research that resonates with my personal experiences during my illness and recovery process. It is in no way intended to apply to everyone who has anorexia or another eating disorder. Although numbers aren’t really mentioned, I would like to also warn against triggers to anyone currently [...]