There's this interesting scene from Skins UK, S2E7 (or something).
Cassie is 43 minutes into her two-hour philosophy A-level exam. She hasnât written a word. The invigilator urges her:
âSo are you going to write anything?â
She hesitates:
âIâm not sure. What about how long I can put off starting to write and still get an A?â
They talk about power.
âI stopped eating, and then everyone had to do what I said. That was powerful.â
She asks if she enjoyed it.
âI think it was the happiest time of my life. But I had to stop before I died, because otherwise⌠it wasnât fun.â
And she says what many of us have never had permission to say out loud:
âYou wouldnât understand.â
Iâve never correlated with a character so intensely in my life. Iâm Cassie: dissociative, filled with tics, masking constantly, always tiptoeing along the edges of self-destruction--paradoxically, thatâs what makes it bearable. It may be coincidental, but Iâve also found myself in nearly the same position within a near-identical friend group, facing many of the same dynamics: substance use, suicidal ideation, a disfigured sense of self-worth, philosophical isolation, deep knowledge juxtaposed with academic collapse, a dysfunctional network of family and acquaintances, compulsive agreeability.
You could change the names and call it a new season. The scriptâs already written.
Now, if youâve seen the show, youâll notice that Cassie doesnât obsess over her body in the stereotypical way. But thereâs that one haunting moment:
âI didnât eat for three days so I could be lovely.â
Iâve thought that before, many times. Superficially, yes--skinniness aligns with dominant beauty standards, and xxs models are prized in fashion. But for me, and for many of us, thinness isnât about aesthetics. Itâs about clarity. Itâs about a kind of self-erasure that feels like control. Itâs the dissociative euphoria of watching your body disappear, finally becoming foreign to even yourself--finally.
[Note: I was diagnosed with an eating disorder at age eight--long before I had even heard of Skins (let alone absorbed it as cultural reference). So no, I wasnât imitating a TV show from a different continent for a decade. Iâm an English and literature nerd--acutely aware of how authorial decisions are crafted for thematic resonance, not just to build a showâs reputation. To assume otherwise is both lazy and ahistorical. The choices in Skins--like many in enduring fiction--are deliberate, symbolic, and layered, not mere bait for teenage mimicry.]
#AnorexiaNervosa #ED
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