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The Days Are Long, and the Nights Are Longer After Losing Our Son

Child loss is a never-ending and debilitating journey.

The days are long, the nights are longer. When the sun starts to set, memories seep into our veins, and we wait for the world to fall asleep so we can fall apart. Sleep evades us, and tears soak our pillow. We bow our weary heads knowing we are lost and scared that we will never find our way again.

If only others could see into the window of our soul, they would see how much we’re drowning in our grief and constantly struggling to surface for air. Bereaved parents are swans. We appear composed and graceful above water all the while paddling like hell underneath.

Guilt and regret confront us every chance they get. There’s always some painful reminder lurking around every corner. Gone are the days when we didn’t have to hide in the dark shadows of grief and pain of child loss. Oftentimes, after the death of a child, the world looks and feels as if it’s been turned inside out. We fear the quiet and will do anything to drown the silence because it screams out what’s missing.

We are physically exhausted, mentally drained and emotionally depleted, but we can’t escape it enough to fall asleep. The storm rages on between our mind and heart. Our mind knows the truth, but our heart refuses to accept it.

When we express our sadness, we don’t want pity. We want understanding because we’re the victims of a horrific tragedy. Our child lost his breath of life. His permanent absence causes deep suffering for us, but we have no other option but to factor it into our daily lives.

Please be patient with us. We are fragile and weak. We are lost at sea and long to calm the waters. Hold our hand and help us swim to shore.

Follow this journey on RememberingRylan.

Lead photo source: Thinkstock Images