A Goodbye Letter to the Old Narrative, Depression


Dear Old Narrative,

I was young, 18 years old, when you entered my life. Developing quickly, your strength overwhelmed me and consumed me. I gave in to all that you offered.

You did serve a purpose, in the beginning and for many years since. Yet, your harsh words and ideas injured me and diminished my confidence, self-esteem and, most significantly, my self-worth. The only safety and security you offered was suicide.

This letter is to tell you I no longer need your services. I no longer need what you offer. I no longer need the comforts of daydreams of therapists consoling me and comforting me due to a backslide of progress. I no longer need to imagine sabotaging myself to gain comfort. I no longer need to beat myself up with words of self-hatred and despise. I certainly no longer need suicide.

It is scary to let you go, but I must. You see, your comforts are not conducive to the life of well-being and happiness I have chosen. Don’t worry (and neither will I), as I have a New Narrative. The safety and security of this New Narrative is, “Trust in God.” My trust in God is even stronger than you, stronger than suicide. So you see, I am in good hands.

My New Narrative was created by me, for me. It contains all I need for the life of well-being I have chosen. My New Narrative is about the freedom to live, to feel, to be courageous. You do not foster these freedoms. My New Narrative is about trust in God, living and connecting, expressing and worshiping, enriching and growing. You do not foster these freedoms.

Diminishing my self-worth and promoting suicide, you were all about stifling freedoms. I understand your tools and comforts were designed to help me deal with and decrease sadness and anxiety. I know you offered all that you had available.

You need not worry (and neither will I), for my New Narrative also has tools and comforts for the inevitable sadness and anxiety in life. These tools and comforts support well-being, life and living well. Tools such as prayer, reaching out, participating and planning for future happiness. Comforts such as meditation and imagery, spa music, artwork and other self-soothing techniques. These new tools and comforts will serve me well. You truly need not worry.

I am choosing the New Narrative. I am choosing to move on like a child moves on from their starter bike to a new model that better suits their needs. The fact is, I no longer need what you offer, Old Narrative. I no longer need your services. This is our final goodbye.

Susan 

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Depression

A drawing of a woman

5 Things I Wish People Who Don't Have Depression Understood

I have lived with depression for half my life. It has led me to say and do harmful things to myself. In the years I spent trying to make sense of the thoughts in my head, it has become apparent there are still parts of depression that are misunderstood. Here are some things I wish [...]
Man traveling by airplane.

Dear Depression, I Think We Need Time Apart

Old friend, I can’t remember how long we’ve been together. However, I remember the sleepless nights we kept each other awake. When I would ask questions, you would always answer the same. I remember the countless times we spent lying in bed together. I remember the things people used to say about us. When we [...]
Sad African American female with tears rolling down her face

How I Managed My Depression After the Shootings of African Americans and Policemen

I have struggled with insidious depression for at least 39 of my nearly 54 years of living. At this point, I have lived with depression long enough to know I’m extremely sensitive to human suffering and trauma. Like many people around the world, I have been deeply affected by last month’s senseless and horrific murders of African [...]
Drawing of a man in a baseball hat slouching over a cup of coffee

The 7 Days in a ‘Weak Week' for Someone With Depression

I’m in my early 40s and I’m a white male (the last time I checked). I have major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). A few of my symptoms are crying spells, short-term memory loss, difficulty following instructions, disassociation, daydreaming, irritability, hyperactivity, heart palpitations, chest pains and sleeping too much. Like I said, these [...]