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They Can't See the Anxiety Behind the Disguise


Beating…faster…faster

My heart is pounding a hundred miles an hour.

Cold, so cold,

My hands are freezing and feel like ice.

Trembling, I’m trembling.

I can’t stop this involuntary movement my body is making.

My eyes are darting back and forth,

From side to side.

I take one step after the other,

Left foot hitting pavement,

Right foot hitting pavement.

I keep my head up to disguise the discomfort I’m feeling.

People will look at me and smile and I’ll return the smile,

All the while worrying I may be seen as the fraud I am.

Strong?

Confident?

Her?

Can they see my heart beating through my shirt?

She isn’t strong.

Can they see my eyes shifting back and forth, my hands shaking violently?

She isn’t confident.

Can they see the anxiety swimming through my veins,

Like the blood I need to stay alive?

Swimming through me like the blood that is making my ever worried heart pound, harder and harder?

Can they see the worry?

Do they see my truth?

Do they see me?

They smile.

I smile.

They walk past me as I continue on with my disguise.

This post originally appeared on The Anxiety Chronicles.


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