To My Addiction, When I Feel You Trying to Pull Me Back Into the Darkness
There you are, back again, pulling the rug right out from under me. You invade my thoughts, my dreams, even my life when I am awake.
You are always there. Watching. Waiting. Trying to get me to slip up and take solace in the sweet words you whisper as I sit there staring, trying to fight it with all my heart.
I hate you. This is not who I am anymore. You may have had a hold on me, always pulling me down till I thought only pills and getting high was the answer. But guess what? No more.
I played into your hands for years. You almost destroyed everything I care the most about in the world. My family. My marriage. My friendships.
I almost lost everything because of you.
Oh, it’s my fault, you say? You are partially right. But you are also wrong. Yes, I chose to do the things I did, but you were the one whispering the “sweet nothings” into my ears late at night.
You do not have a hold on me anymore. Yes, you will always be there, but now I know that I do not have to listen to you. I am stronger than this. I can beat you.
You laugh at me, the sound echoing in my head. Saying I will never be free of you. That I will always be back.
But I won’t.
I have something here that you can never match. I have a wonderful family. I have a amazing understanding husband. I have the strongest support system I could ever ask for.
So, my dear addiction, you and I are done. For good this time. And the best part? When I feel you trying to pull me back into the darkness I used to consider my friend, I will have 1,000 friends and family pulling for me here.
I am not alone. But you are now. Enjoy the darkness, my old friend.