Grieving a Death When You Have Depression

When a family member dies, many struggle to keep their lives together. For some, everything is put on hold until after funeral arrangements are made and all the debt is payed off. Others insist that life must go on. Everyone grieves differently. What is it like to grieve when you have depression?

I experience major depression, and the recent death of my Nana (who died from non-alcoholic liver cirrhosis on September 16, 2016) has caused a reemergence of some of my symptoms. It also made other symptoms disappear. Grief is hard for everyone, but grieving when you have depression can be amazingly difficult.

Loss of my Nana made me realize how precious life is, and how precious even my life is. With my depression, I have experienced thoughts of suicide. Now, after seeing the pain left behind by my Nana’s death, I see that my own death would leave such a mark. It would cause such pain, and I could not allow myself to do that to my family. Other symptoms, like generalized anxiety and sadness, have risen from the depths of my soul to torment me yet again.

With time, I know I will come to terms with it, just like everyone else. For now, I just have to take it one step at a time. I understand that life is important. I also understand that we have very little time on this earth and need to make the best of it. I will do everything I can to help my family, just as they will help me. Together, we will survive.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Image via Thinkstock. 

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Major Depressive Disorder

man on the beach

My Mental Illness Is Not a Phase, and I Am Not Ashamed

I was recently at a dinner with two friends when we began discussing mental illness and mental health treatment. All three of us have openly had periods of struggle with both depression and anxiety, but we all had different takes on treatment, particularly in regards to antidepressants. “I wouldn’t go on them,” said the first [...]
Sketch portrait of a man with long hair

The Feelings of a Major Depressive Episode

I occasionally get asked what it feels like to have depression. Here’s my best attempt to put into words the effect that a major depressive episode has on my body and emotions. Remember that everyone experiences depression differently, so while these are my experiences they may not be true for you or someone you know. I’m sad all [...]
Silhouette of the beautiful girl in the nature at summer sunset

The Life of a Mother and Wife With Recurrent Major Depressive Disorder

The thing about recurrent major depressive disorder is that it never truly goes away. It may not always hinder my ability to function, but sometimes it does, and right now it is. I find myself sad, irritable, restless, exhausted, anxious, and overwhelmed. It takes everything I have to complete daily household tasks and take care [...]
man's face

When I Realized Depression Was Making Me Self-Absorbed

I’ve had depression for over five years, and after a wide array of medications, therapy sessions, self-help books and friendly advices, I have learned something that may be key to my recovery. It may be common knowledge for some, but for me it was a turning point. I learned it thanks to a close friend, [...]