On the Days I Hate My 'Faulty' Body, I Remember This

Our bodies are magnificent machines — they protect us and allow us to live. OK, your body may be faulty like mine and you may be having a rough time with all of your symptoms. But never forget that your body is still keeping you alive on this earth. It is fighting just like you are and it will always be there for you through thick and thin. You may wish it was healthy and fully functioning, but at this moment in time it is not giving up on you. It won’t desert you like people you have known in the past. It may never talk back, but it acts back every day. It gives you warning signs when things aren’t right. It gives you slight nudges to protect you and keep you safe. Every day it is trying to prove to you that it is worth keeping around and that it is your friend. At the end of the day, it is struggling, too, but it won’t give up yet. Giving up means you will no longer be alive and you won’t be able to live the life you dreamed of.

The symptoms you experience, like nausea and headaches, to you may be negative and a burden. But what if these symptoms are also a warning sign or nudge from you body telling you to stop, rest and relax?

Since my diagnosis I have hated my body with a vengeance, but then through time I started to accept that I am stuck with my body. Through research I have learned what my body does for me before, during and after a faint. Above all else I realized how grateful I am that even though my body is faulty, it is fighting every day to give me life. I am not going to give up on it, but join in unison with it and live my life to the max.

When my body gives me a symptom I stop, listen, evaluate, and then I act. If a headache comes on suddenly, I drink a glass or two of water thinking that I may be dehydrated. If that doesn’t work I go to plan B; maybe it’s my depression so I have a few pieces of dark chocolate. Then I go to plan C — I check my blood pressure and if it’s low, I drink a strong black coffee and have something salty. And if that doesn’t work then just maybe the headache is my body’s way of telling me that I am stressed and I need to relax. So I meditate, listen to some music and read a book and make sure I go to bed early. If I don’t take care of my body when it signals for help, then I won’t be able to manage in the long run.

This is the way I see myself, my body and the situation that I am in now. I don’t hate my body anymore. I do on a bad day — I resent it and feel sad. But I get myself together and I carry on fighting because I am stubborn and I am a fighter. At the end of the day I want to carry on existing because I want a life to be proud of. So next time you feel hatred for your body, just remember that it’s fighting for you, not against you. Maybe you need to fight in unison with it and live a life you’re proud of, too.

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