A Moment That Made Me Realize How Far I Had Come in My Eating Disorder Recovery

I’m a terrible dancer. I don’t say that to put myself down. My moves are just not up to par most of the time. That, in combination with being in recovery from an eating disorder has always made me self-conscious about letting go at friends’ houses, parties, etc.

Does my body look weird if I move like this? Will I be showing some unflattering side of my body if I dance like this? What will people think of me? Will everyone stare at me? Overall, the potential attention and/or comments going on in people’s head about my dance moves and my body were terrifying.

About a week ago, I went to a party that I really was having fun at. Lots of my friends were there, good music… such good music that tons of my friends were dancing. Usually, I just sit down when everyone starts dancing, and watch. On this night though, something came over me and I decided to just let go and dance with my friends. It was the most fun I had had all week, and the funny part is, I didn’t dwell on how people would perceive my body.

A huge part of my recovery has been accepting all aspects of my personality. I cannot dance well, but it did not matter. Like many things in life I have been afraid of, what I had feared so much did not come true. Nobody stared, nobody laughed. In fact, making up awful dance moves with my friends was such a fun bonding experience I never would have had, had I just sat on the side next to my fear.

Thank you, recovery, for giving me the courage to let the real me show.

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