To Myself on Days When I Want to Return to My Eating Disorder
Hey. What’s going on, bud? I can see you’re freaking out a bit. You’re stressed. You’re hurt. You’re confused. You’re questioning your worth and your path. And I know why your eating disorder is appealing now. It numbs you; it makes you feel less afraid. But will it actually cure the issues in your life that are right under your nose? Deal with those first. Say you’re sorry. Try to work out that argument. I know you love watching “The Office,” but you could be spending more time on homework and be a little less stressed the next morning before class.
Stop giving energy to those in your life who do not serve you, even if you wish they did. You only need a few true friends in life. Not everyone needs to like you even though having people like you makes you feel more secure. You can do this. Maybe today was not a 10/10 day, but you know nobody lives every day perfectly, or even anything close to that. You are human. You are allowed to fail and struggle and fall, but you are not allowed to let your mind and body stop you from trying.
Your eating disorder may seem like the easiest path right now, but I promise you’ll be wishing your worst problem was failing a test when you can’t get yourself to eat three meals a day. There is nothing inherently wrong with you because today didn’t go as planned. You, you, you want to live. Today was not the best, and it is almost over and done. Who knows what tomorrow could bring? You may not be able to catch tomorrow if you start counting calories again. You can do this. Live a full, messy and incredible life.
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