My Love-Hate Relationship With the Medication I Need to Function
The hard part about mental illness and all invisible illnesses is that you’d never know the battle each person is fighting. You don’t know what they have to do to get themselves out of bed and moving each day. Not many people know I take a stimulant medication for my attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and an antidepressant for my anxiety. I always have an upbeat, positive attitude but inside things aren’t always so great.
Many people take their brain functioning for granted. They’ll never understand what us neurodiverse people go through. I love my medication for what it allows me to do when I’m on it. Yet, I hate when I don’t have it in my system, I’m a mess.
My meds allow me to think more clearly, get organized and be alert, but this only lasts a small portion of my day. I love that I don’t feel as worried about things. I don’t have as much social anxiety. I can reach out to friends and others to see how they are.
However, this doesn’t always carry over when I’m not on my meds. I can plan for my day, make lists of what needs to get done, but meds don’t tell you what to focus on. If your brain strays elsewhere, then you will certainly not get that list done.
At the end of the day, when those meds wear off, it’s not always easy. I want to get myself ready for the next day, but I’m not focused on that. It’s exhausting to try and get things done sometimes because my brain just takes so much more energy to direct its focus where I need it. Sometimes, at the end of the day I’m just so tired.
I love that there is something there to help me, medication that eases my mind’s wandering and anxious thoughts, allowing me to be the person I know I could be. Yet, it’s a battle. It’s not always easy.
I wouldn’t change my life because this is who I am and who I was meant to be. I am carving my path as I go. I may encounter a few bumps on the road, but I will never stop.
Anyone else out there who is having a tough time with meds or invisible illnesses, just remember, tomorrow is another day. There will always be another tomorrow. Keep going, keep trying and do your personal best each day.
It doesn’t matter what others can do and are doing. Do what you can and you need to do. You are strong and smart. You can accomplish your dreams, even if it takes longer than others!
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