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When Depression and Anxiety Feel Like Shadows Following Me Around

Two shadows follow every step I make. They never leave, but some days they subside. One is constantly telling me not to leave bed, and the other is rushing thoughts inside my brain. I’m never alone, even when I feel isolated from the world. It’s been so long that without them I feel lost. It’s like I’m an incomplete person without these two following not far behind.

In the morning, one constantly reminds me how much my bed feels like home. It would be better if I just stayed inside all day because what would I do anyways? Today hasn’t even started, and I already know it’s not going to go well. The other shadow is telling me of all the things I have to do. It’s like pots and pans banging in my ears. They keep ringing, and I try to make them stop, but the only time they do is when my mind focuses on something else. It’s not often that I can stop the noise. When I hear nothing is when I’m in a deep sleep.

My shadows know me. They know all of my insecurities and fears, and they constantly use them against me. There’s no way to stop them. I look in the mirror, and I see nothing, but sometimes my other shadow shows me all my flaws. There is so much I could fix about myself, but why bother? One shadow wants me to do everything, but the other one wants me to do nothing.

One makes me feel numb, but the other one makes me feel everything at once. Everyone tells me I shouldn’t be alone, but do they understand? I’m not alone because I have two shadows I like to call my “friends” who follow me around.

No matter how fast I run or how far I travel, they don’t leave. They don’t care that their unwanted and unnoticed by others. It’s hard to shut them off because some days I can’t control anything.

These shadows have changed me. I’ve spent nights crying and many mornings fighting with myself. Some days I turn into someone I don’t even recognize.

These shadows have defined me. They have made me who I am. I’ve made mistakes because of them, but I’ve also learned my strength. I’m not alone, no matter how isolated I feel from the world. Someone cares for me, and someone’s going through the same battles.

I like to think these two shadows have reminded me I’m never alone. I have family and friends who will never leave. My shadows follow me around, but I’m not the only one followed by shadows. One day I will be free of these shadows, but until than I’ll never be fighting alone.

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Thinkstock image by john north