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The Effects of Fibromyalgia on My Limited Energy Reserves

I know I’m guilty and you are too, more than likely. I have fibromyalgia and psoriatic arthritis and they are both energy drainers, so by the time I get all my Pauls done, Peter seems to always come up short.

See, Peter is what I’d like to refer to as my reserve energy for later. You know, that energy you need to get the kitchen cleaned up after dinner, wash a load of clothes, do something fun with the kids or just have a nice romantic night. It’s the energy that allows you to do things other than just the “to do list” for the day, Paul, before the exhaustion reigns full force again.

Unfortunately, when you have a chronic illness, you wake up with the hope of conquering so many things even though you know you may fall short. Some days, however, I wake up determined to get everything done. With sheer determination, I always do, but Peter has been totally depleted. Those are the nights I’m in the bed by 7:30 and dead asleep for three or four hours, only to then wake up and not be able to go back to sleep. And we all know what happens when we don’t get enough sleep: you guessed it, Paul’s reserve is going to be smaller than usual the next day.

It all just seems like a never-ending cycle to me. I want to wake up one morning and not have to worry about robbing. I want my supply to already be there with reserve tanks on the side so Peter can just stay on charge for those days that take all I have and then some. You know, those days when just getting out the bed and making a cup of coffee takes all you have. Yes, I said coffee and I know about the caffeine, but I need my little jewel boosters throughout the day.

Having reserves for me is not a reality, though. It takes more energy for me and others like me to get through the day. We all have things we want to do or places we want to go, but in reality, if we don’t overextend sometimes, we won’t ever do all we want or need. And yes, I know we shouldn’t push it, but hey, this is life and I don’t know about you, but I try to live mine. I didn’t ask to be slowed down at 48 years old.

If you live with any kind of illness then you know that being able to live in the moment at times is a blessing, but sometimes it requires more than we feel we can give at that moment. So, will you rob Peter to pay Paul? My answer is easy: yes, and if I could add Philip, Patrick or Payton to the equation, I would.

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