Dear Insurance Company: I'm Sorry

Dear Insurance Company,

I feel I must owe you an apology.

I’m sorry for being chronically ill. I can hear the impatience, contempt, and even anger in your voice when we communicate. You’ve made it clear that my condition is a huge inconvenience to you, and I never intended for it to be this way.

I’m sorry that no matter how many times I’ve explained my symptoms to you, you still don’t understand exactly what the problem is. I’m sorry that my doctors and specialists haven’t been able to clarify anything for you either. Even the assessments you yourselves have ordered don’t seem to have given you any insight into my illness.

I’m sorry that despite having so much information and so many reports on hand, supporting numerous diagnoses, that you are still unable to grasp the basic concepts of my condition. I can’t imagine how frustrating that must be for you.

I’m sorry that I insist on consulting my doctors prior to following any of your recommendations, and I’m sorry that they don’t always agree with you. I do this because it’s my priority to do what’s best for my health and well-being, even though I know you don’t see it that way.

I’m sorry you’ve put so much effort into trying to prove I’m not sick. I know you genuinely believe I am just fine, and it must be a tremendously unpleasant experience when numerous health care professionals tell you otherwise.

I’m sorry that my health has not improved in the years that I’ve been dealing with you, and for the severe anxiety I’ve developed from being repeatedly invalidated and threatened by you.

I’m sorry that my chronic illness is permanent and incurable, and that, regardless of how many times you say “rehabilitation,” “progress” and “recovery,” I haven’t been able to make it go away.

I’m sorry, dear Insurance Company.

I really hope that, someday, you’ll find a way to cope with all of this.

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