5 Things I Want My Friends to Know About My Anxiety

1. Just because I’m not acting “anxious” doesn’t mean I’m not feeling anxious.

There’s this stereotype that if you have an anxiety disorder you’re always panicking and talking fast or crying — some of which can be true, but more often than not it isn’t. Anxiety doesn’t always look like a panic attack. I can be listening to you tell me a story but desperately trying to calm my mind down at the same time. This leads me to tend to not pay attention and forget a lot of what you say. No, it’s not because I don’t care what you’re saying! My mind is racing, and I’m trying to settle it so I can pay attention to you!

2. I’m not intentionally being flaky. Please don’t give me a hard time about it.

Some days I feel great and I’ll make plans with you and hope with everything in me I can follow through , but sometimes I just can’t. Some days I won’t make concrete plans because I know my anxiety could act up. I know this frustrates you, and it frustrates me too. Sometimes the anticipatory anxiety becomes too much. Maybe I didn’t sleep the night before because my mind was racing, so my anxiety is acting up. I’m not flaky. Please don’t make me feel guilty about it. Trust me I do this to myself enough.

3. Please don’t disregard me when I try to reach out.

Reaching out for me is more difficult than you think. Simply saying, “I’ve been in bed all day” or “I just want to feel normal again!” doesn’t mean I’m trying to throw my whole disorder at you. It doesn’t mean I want advice. Sometimes I just want you to say, “I know, it’s OK.” Please don’t just ignore it until I change the subject. That can cause a downward spiral of thoughts about me being “selfish” or “talking about my anxiety too much.” Sometimes I just need reassurance that someone knows I’m struggling and will talk about it with me.

4. Don’t push yourself on me.

I know it can be hard to feel me pushing you away. It’s hard for me too. But please don’t force yourself upon me. Don’t make me feel bad for not wanting to hang out with you. If I hang out with other friends it might just be because I’m more comfortable around them when my anxiety strikes. It’s not you. It’s the anxiety.

5. Anxiety takes a lot out of me.

Constantly being in a high state of anxiety can be mentally and physically exhausting. I might not want to talk at the end of the day because I’ve been constantly trying to push thoughts out of my head and calm myself down. Having to constantly remind yourself to use “breathing techniques” and that “everything will be OK” is so time consuming. It really doesn’t leave a lot of room for anything else. It might seem like I had an “easy” day if I only had one class, but it’s so much harder than that.

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Thinkstock photo by Duka82