To the Depression Fighting to Control My Life

You have ruined my life. Your ability to drain the color out of everything I used to enjoy is impressive. You have been a presence in my life since the age of 12. Every time I’m able to break your cyclical horror and see the “light,” I’m quickly reminded your torment loops back around.

Your devastating demeanor is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. Your ability to make me feel worthless, inadequate and full of self-hatred scares me. How is it possible that you can leave me so hopeless that I’d rather die than have to deal with your ugliness?

Thanks to you, I’ve lost a lot of people in my life. It’s like you pull them out from underneath me, right when I need them the most, as if it is some sort of sick joke. Despite all the pain and sadness you have caused me depression, I’m still alive.

So with that, I say I’m the real winner. Combating you every day is exhausting, but I will keep battling until you’re gone for good. Although you may never truly leave me alone, I’m committed to not letting you control my life anymore. Every day, I’ll be seeking the help I need and doing the things I need to do without giving you the time of day. So, good luck depression. You’ll need it.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

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