A Poem for My 'Battle Buddy' Who Helped Me Choose Life
Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.
One of the many things I do to express myself is writing poems. I wrote this poem the day after I got out of the Behavior Medicine Unit. I was there after attempting suicide. This poem is about the night I tried to end my life. It is called “Battle Buddy.”
* * *
He pushed me up against the wall.
I yelled, I screamed, I hollered.
He grabbed my shoulders as I fell to the ground
But not is a violent manner.
“Please just let me die!” I cried
Tears running down my face.
“I can bear this pain no longer”
I sobbed, “Let me leave this earthly place!”
He knew from the moment I walked in
That something was the matter.
When I started bagging things
He grabbed my arms and shouted.
“Child please!” He begged of me
“Tell me what is wrong,
I can see it written on your face
Even from afar.”
“Go away!” I replied
“Please just let it be,
For death is my only option now
My will to live has ceased.”
So he pushed me up against the wall
And looked deep into my eyes
“The light that’s always there is gone!”
Teardrops fell and then he sighed.
“Now listen here,” he said to me
“For I have a tale to tell
About a soldier who wished to sleep
And stay asleep forever.”
“He tied a noose around his neck
And strung it way up high
Alone in the barracks he took a breath
And then prepared to die.”
“His battle buddy found him
And cut the nooses end
Just in time to save the life
Of his soldier friend.”
“I tell you this sweet child dear
Because from the moment you stepped inside
I saw the look you had on your face,
I’ve seen it one too many times.”
“The thing I have not told you yet
About this little tale
Is the soldier in this story is me.
I was sad as well.”
“I did not tell you this to make you cry
Or make this about me,
I tell you this because my friend,
I am your battle buddy.”
“And so I’ll hold you up against this wall
And you can scream and shout
Because we are in this war together
And will fight until we claw our way out”
“It’s time to seek the help you need
And get your mind on track
I’ll stand by you every step of the way
Until you are able to fight back.”
“You’re not just a friend but a sister too
I love you more than you know
So I’ll hold you up against this wall
And I will not let go.”
“I’ll release my grip when you agree
To help me fight this war.
We are not alone in this
There are thousands out there just like us, maybe even more.”
“Some of us are crawling
Some are limping too,
But if we fight together
We can make it through.”
“So what do you say, oh child dear?
Can I count you in?
Will you fight this war with us?
Will you help us win?”
I close my eyes and nod my head.
I won’t give up the fight
My voice was soft and cracked a bit
“OK,” I said. “Alright.”
He no longer held me against the wall
And I did not scream and holler.
Instead we walked into the war,
Forever buddies through the battle.
If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
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