The Vast Difference 24 Hours Can Make With My Bipolar Disorder

Beautiful morning ushers my eyes open. Sun shining bright. Heater running full blast to keep me warm and safe. Not to mention the big, strong man sleeping next to me. My husband holds me near, keeping monsters away. The depression of yesterday crept long into the night. The little clock reads 7:57. We slept in and it felt so good. Rest. Restoration was much needed. Yesterday was a rough day, but now a new day dawns.

Well, I missed the dawn. But I embrace it just the same. We listened for the coffee to brew. The signal to officially wake. The last spit of water and air was heard, and we jumped up as if it were Christmas morning. Energy filled my body and a smile graced my face. A real, honest to goodness smile. I love the man I share my life with! He makes me laugh, allows me to cry. Talks me through the darkness and the light. I feel blessed to have such a loving soul to hold hands with. We raced to the coffee pot. One grabbing creamer, one grabbing mugs. It’s not too often gratitude comes into my mind of its own accord, but this moment was an exception.

Warm coffee made its way to my belly. Perfect. He played my favorite record of late, Chris Stapleton, “The Traveller.” His gravely voice just reaches into me. We looked at pictures from our two-day excursion to the beach. Memories were made, and we were reliving them. Each push of the button reminded us of another moment in time. Surfers. Sea Lions. Waves. Portraits. The vast open space of the Pacific Ocean. Beauty. Our TV transported us back in time as I captured the journey with the click of technology. I could almost smell the ocean air. Feel the pebbles on my feet. Feel the sun warming my face. Behold the magic of water.

Steam was spiraling from my coffee, cats sleeping on the couch, music coming from the corner of the room. Couldn’t be more perfect. Hard to believe yesterday I had thoughts of suicide. Just yesterday, I wanted to give up. I felt I had no more fight in me. No more resilience. No more energy to carry on. Less than 24 hours has passed, and I feel like a new person. It’s amazing. I tend to curse bipolar disorder. It has caused so much chaos and havoc on my life. But today, it allows me to be grateful for the change in mood. For the time spent with my best friend home and away. For the little things like favorite records, hot cups of coffee, kitties on couches.

When you are lost in an inner world of voices and visuals, or steeped in a depression so low you can taste  the ground, or racing thoughts carry you from room to room, or agitation wraps itself around your body and mind, genuine smiles and appreciation are hard to come by. I am no stranger to sudden changes in mood. But I am not going to stand in my own way this morning. I am going to let the day unfold as it will. Worry will not keep me from visiting a friend later. Fear will not keep me from expressing myself. I promise myself to take hold and enjoy the grace that has been given to me, if only for today.

Image via Thinkstock.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Bipolar Disorder

carrie fisher as princess leia

How Carrie Fisher Taught Me About My Force Within My Mood Disorder

“Life is a cruel, horrible joke, and I’m the punchline.” — Carrie Fisher, “Postcards from the Edge” She may be best known for her role as a princess, but she was a warrior as an advocate for mental health. She tore down a wall, giving the world and the galaxy beyond a look inside the life [...]
carrie fisher

How Carrie Fisher Helped Me Through My Bipolar Diagnosis

Three or four months ago I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. I have gone back and forth in my head about if I could continue writing about mental health and disclose this new diagnosis with anyone. Not one person in my family knows about this, and maybe three friends are aware of it. There [...]

Carrie Fisher Epitomized What It Meant to Be a Mental Health Advocate

Carrie Fisher dies at age 60. Read more here.
Tweet that says "When I met Carrie Fisher last year, she told me the best advice I had gotten about mental health."

People Are Sharing Their Memories of Carrie Fisher and Her Mental Health Advocacy

On Tuesday, actress and mental health advocate Carrie Fisher died at the age of 60. Shortly after her death was confirmed, Fisher’s fans took to social media to share how the actress, who spoke candidly about her experience living with bipolar disorder and addiction, changed their lives. Here’s what they are saying. She told me, “You have [...]