I Love My Brain, Even When We Fight

I love my brain, even when we fight.

Some days I have to remind myself that my brain is not my enemy. It does amazing things every day. It makes me “me” and lets me serve those around me. But it’s also messy. Sometimes frustratingly so.

And when things get messy…

I brush off people who open with, “hey, how are you?” because every socially-acceptable response of “I’m well, thanks” is yet another reminder that I am not in fact, well.

And sometimes I even snap at those close to me who ask ,“What’s up?” or “How was your day today?” Why? Most of the time I just don’t have it in me to come up with a superficial answer that slides over the truth. And I definitely don’t want to talk about how my day really was.

I close ranks. I shut out anyone not in the “inner circle.” I don’t do it intentionally. It just becomes so exhausting to pretend. Too easy not to write back.

I put on a good front. Most people would never know. And if you’ve never lived the mess, it’s hard to understand just how draining it is.

Just trying to keep up appearances and get by at work takes pretty much everything I’ve got. So basically every other aspect of my life takes a hit.

I have good days and not-so-good days. That’s just how it goes. And until I wake up, I won’t know which it will be.

The good news?

I don’t need you to fix it for me. (You can’t anyway.)

I just need you to be patient. To be there. I’m not trying to be difficult, but some days conversations are so taxing.

I need you to show up on my doorstep because if you text, chances are I’ll find an excuse not to.

I need you to be content drinking tea with me on the couch and watching TV rather than trying to convince me to go out somewhere.

I need you to know I’ll get there. It may take me a while. But I will get there. To where I no longer have to pretend. To where I no longer have to fight with my own brain.

In the meantime, please don’t give up on me. The logical part of my beautiful brain knows I’ll be worth it in the end.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock image by Ralwel

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Mental Health

hand holding colorful balloons

5 Ways I Define My Worth When I Don't Have an Answer for 'Where Are You Working?'

When I meet new people for the first time or people who haven’t seen me in a long time, I seem to always get the same question: “So are in school?” or “Where are you working?” It seems to me that our society has calculated our worth based on one or both of these things. [...]
Silhouettes of people at political protest

3 Strategies to Help Advocates Protect Their Own Mental Health

Fighting for injustice and the ills of society are cultural pursuits birthed out of a passion for equality and human rights for all. However, how can one tell if or when these pursuits cause anxiety or become detrimental toward one’s own mental welfare? Wellness and the ability to examine self-care methods against helping others are [...]
Young woman in sweater with heart shape enjoying beautiful cloudscape sitting on the car roof above the clouds on the sunrise

A Message to Those With Mental Illness, From a 'Success Story' Who Still Struggles

Editor’s note: If you struggle with suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. I am one of the millions of adults diagnosed with depression. I am also one of the millions of adults struggling with high anxiety. Depending on the day, the doctor [...]
young woman with mariska hargitay

The Words From Actress Mariska Hargitay That Inspired My Mental Health Recovery

I think we all have someone we look up to. Someone who inspires us and motivates us. Someone who brings light to our darkest days. Someone who gives us hope. For me, I have been inspired and deeply touched by Mariska Hargitay. You may know Mariska from her role as Olivia Benson on “Law & [...]