The One Person Who Didn’t Walk Past Me When I Was Contemplating Suicide

In the few days running up to this act of kindness, I’d been lower than low. I was currently in a psychiatric hospital, my fourth admission this year. I just couldn’t handle the intense emotions that come with borderline personality disorder (BPD). I’d been feeling so overwhelmingly sad. No matter how many people told me, “It’ll get better,” I just couldn’t see any other way out.

So when I asked a support worker if I could go out for a walk, I had no intention of coming back. It was 8:15 by the time I got to where I was going to end my life. All the way there, I had felt this calmness wash over me. I felt at peace knowing that I wouldn’t have to deal with having BPD anymore.

I sat on a wall overlooking a river for what felt like an eternity. As I made my way closer to the edge, I became scared. Scared that I was going to survive. I cried until I felt like there were no more tears left in me. Not one person stopped to ask if I was OK, until one young man came along.

“Are you OK?”

I was scared, tired, suicidal and shocked. Why had he stopped to talk to me? Everyone else had just walked past me without a care in the world. He stood and talked to me for more than half an hour about everything. He made me feel calm and at ease.

I asked him why he had stopped to talk to me.

His reply was, “I know nothing about mental illness, but I couldn’t have it on my conscious knowing I’d walked past someone who wanted to take their own life.”

This man saved my life. Before he came along, I was edging closer and closer to the edge of that wall, and I was gathering the courage to jump. I often think about that man and how if he hadn’t stopped, I might not be here right now.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. You can reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Image via Thinkstock.

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Borderline Personality Disorder

Photo shoot taken to a beautiful young woman during a break in college

The Unpredictability of Borderline Personality Disorder

I used to wonder why it is called borderline personality disorder (BPD). That is until my symptoms got worse, and I had to find the answer the worst possible way. It literally feels like you’re standing on the borderline of emotional and mental instability. Some days, you struggle to make sure you’re still “sane.” Other [...]

How Hanukkah Helps Me See the Lightness and Darkness of My BPD

There are distinct feelings one can get at the holidays. It can be the warm flutter of your heart as you are surrounded by family or the cold frost of being alone and numb to the world. To have borderline personality disorder is to be both at once. The addicting pull of the warmth and [...]
Middle-aged woman decorating Christmas tree with tinsels

5 Holiday Questions I'd Rather Not Be Asked as a Person With BPD

Christmastime freaks me out! When you know someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD), it is very important that you know a few things about that person’s illness and some of the things he or she doesn’t want to hear during the holidays. Borderline is not the same for everyone, and if it is co-morbid with another mental [...]
paper christmas tree

3 Ways I Enjoy the Holidays as a 'BPD Challenger'

I write this sitting in an airport lounge with people passing me by in swarms, the holiday rush visibly apparent in their strides. Yet there’s a certain peace about it. Holiday seasons can be extremely tough on those who struggle to feel “normal” in the conventional sense. But there’s also definitely something positive about it, [...]