Right Now, I Need My Medication — and That's OK


Recently, due to a series of small mistakes, I have been without my medicine for five days now. And counting…

I had been on Zoloft for six months or so, and I was starting to think I was OK. That maybe I was completely fine, maybe even ready to go off the meds. When I ran out of medicine, I was immediately freaked out. I calmed down, and then after a few days, I felt the meds wearing off. I could feel my grasp on reality slipping; I feel like I am slipping back into my old ways. I am having mood swings and outbursts. I feel overwhelmed and out of control. I can feel the anxiety in my body — like it is churning through my veins; thick like molasses, I feel it tingling through my body. The anxiety also somehow feels like it is electricity at the same time. I am slowed down and on hyper drive.

I am not OK. I know this was my old “normal” before I started to take medication. I knew this was something I dealt with and I felt like I was maybe getting better. Getting a firmer grasp on things. Like I was handling life, which I was. It just seems that the Zoloft is responsible for this change. I know that, right now, I need my medicine. I know I cannot function properly without it, right now. I know I cannot do this by myself, right now. I need my medicine and I need my therapist, right now. This doesn’t mean I will need these forever. I am working towards being a better me. I am doing so much better. I know my medicine is a step in the right direction for me. I know it is OK. I am doing OK.

Image via Thinkstock.

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