Stop Being Too Optimistic and Just Accept That I’m Sick

Why am I constantly fooling myself? Go out today — you won’t get tired. Eat food — you won’t get sick this time even though you have every other time. Your ears won’t ring forever. Your neck doesn’t need to be popped back into place. You can take as many classes as you want. You won’t cry on for hours if you’re upset. Your face wont swell. You’ll get over it like that.

If I try too much, I feel like I’m hurting myself. If I don’t try at all, I feel like I’m falling behind because everyone else is moving forward while I am stuck.

Even though unrealistic beliefs can be positive, should we have them? Yes, I manage to get some school in, but it’s not enough for me. It’s almost like I want my body to try harder. I want it to miraculously not get sick and not pass out or get tired.

I have the support groups. I spread awareness. But in the back of my head, I wonder why can’t I do more. People want me to do more, so why can’t I fool myself and just hope one day I’ll get lucky?

Every one thinks optimism is great, but did people ever ponder that maybe too much optimism can hurt you? You can’t fix something that’s already broken. It’s the same with a person. You can’t get your hopes up that an illness will magically disappear if you ignore it. So I won’t be optimistic. I’ll still be happy, and I won’t be negative. But there is no way to make an impossible possible. So I wish the healthy portion of the world would stop being so optimistic and just accept that I’m sick.

Let’s be realistic and not make others feel bad for being sick. Would we make a healthy person feel bad for being healthy? No!

So I’m not going to be optimistic that my broken glass of a body is going to magically repair itself. I won’t sit around saying “poor me” and let it suck me dry either, but I’m not going to deny the problem is there. I’m being realistic as opposed to over-optimistic.

I beg of you — stop trying to create a miracle that doesn’t exist. Just start accepting that it’s not going to change no matter what I do. I will always be sick.

If you don’t do this, your “optimism” could cause more physical and mental damage than that was already there in the first place.

So, please stop.

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