What is it like to love somebody who has bipolar disorder? What specific challenges does it involve? Is it possible for it to work, or is it too much of a risk? And is it really worth it?
Firstly, love isn’t always a choice. Sometimes we can’t help but love and care for family and friends, and often we don’t choose who we fall for romantically. And love is never easy: there are always obstacles, challenges and difficulties. Love is for better and for worse, in sickness and health, and some loves last for all eternity while others burn out leaving only hurt and memories behind.
Any kind of love is a risk. You risk both your own heart and feelings and those of the other person — something that may be even more dangerous for an already fragile and vulnerable person. And something possibly unknown and scary to you. And I’m not just talking about romantic and intimate relationships. I’m talking best friends, family, other friends and even colleagues and people we are regularly in contact with.
Well, here’s the thing. I’m not going to deny the issues. Bipolar disorder can be darn hard work! The constant worry, the reliance and sometimes over-reliance on you, the pressure on you to try and help us stay well. The amount of help we may need if we breakdown or become extremely unwell. The unreasonable things we may attempt to involve you in when we are manic or the hurt you may feel when we isolate ourselves. Then there are the ridiculous things you may need to protect us from and the guilt you may feel when you become involved in a distressing episode or hospital admission. And perhaps worst of all it must hurt like hell to watch someone you care about inflict serious harm upon themselves.
But here comes my defense. People with bipolar disorder have a great deal to give. We are kind, we feel things more deeply than anyone else, we take you exactly as you are. There is nothing we hate more than feeling we have hurt someone else. We see beauty in the smallest of things, and we share that with you. We are funny, and we may be slightly wild. You will never get bored of us. We have been through hell several times, so we are pretty much unshockable. You can tell us anything and we won’t judge you. We will also never break your trust as we know too well how that feels. We can love you at your best and your worst, and we will stand by through anything whether or not you are right or wrong. And though it may feel like it at times we don’t actually expect you to “fix” us and we do know you can’t always help. And that’s OK too.
We love you for who you are, and we just want you to love us. The bipolar is a part of us and it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Yes, it can be so hard to live with. But people with bipolar have so much love to give, and I do believe that despite the challenges it is possible to love us back. After all, there is no limit on the love we can give or receive.
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