Why I Only Let People See the 'Real Fake Me' Who Doesn't Look Sick

I’m the girl who has it all – that’s me!

I’m the girl over there who always blow-dries her hair and has time to do her makeup. I’m the girl who always plays with her kids in the park. I’m the one who is always doing exciting things. I’m the girl who’s been partying with her friends all weekend. I’m the girl who’s always at the beach. I’m the girl who works, runs the house and keeps it all together! I’m the girl who has the immaculate house. I’m the girl that has so much time to herself. I’m the girl who has beautiful holidays.

I am that girl, I really am, but I’m also someone else. I know you look on, watch and judge; the crucial thing is, when it comes to me, you’re missing a huge part of the story. All you see is what I allow you to see. I try to be my best for my family and my friends, but mainly for me.

I know my daily limits, and I work to a strict timeline. I photograph the best bits, I record the funny things, I tell my friends about the outtakes. That doesn’t mean I’m not in pain, it doesn’t mean I’m not feeling dreadful, it doesn’t mean “it’s” not real.

I’m creating and living in my own movie, “The Best of Me,” starring “The Real Fake Me.” That’s all I want you to see: the girl who’s holding it all together, the one who makes everything look breezy. I keep going with the things that keep me going and when I really, truly need to stop, I stop! I close the curtains, I turn off the cameras, I stop uploading to Instagram and Facebook. I ignore Twitter, I stop my emails from bleeping. I switch one life off while the other takes hold. This is the best and only way to keep being me! When a bad day hits, no one wants to see her. No one wants to be reminded of the state she gets into when “it” takes over. I want to be Me – I want you all to see me, not her. She isn’t me. So no, you don’t see her, you never see her. I’ve only introduced you to the real, fake me.

I’m the girl over there who always does her hair and makeup no matter what a struggle it can be.

I’m the girl who always plays with her kids in the park for five minutes, no more, because I need that energy for getting us all home and feeding everyone.

I’m the one who is always doing exciting things but I sure as hell pay for it.

I’m the girl who’s been partying with her friends all weekend after I’d cancelled, last minute, the previous eight attempts to get out because I’d maxed out!

I’m the girl who’s always at the beach as long as the next day is booked in as a rest day.

I’m the girl who works, runs the house and keeps it all together in between naps, doctor appointments, hospital trips and more rest.

I’m the girl who has the immaculate house in photographs.

I’m the girl who has so much time to herself and spends it sleeping so I can get back to life.

I’m the girl who has beautiful holidays where I spend lots of time missing out, in pain and resting in hotel rooms.

So here I am, the Real Fake Me. Hello!

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