I Live With Anxiety and Depression – and I'm Scared to 'Get Better'

Every day, I try to motivate myself to get better. Depression and anxiety take over my life on most days, and they try to make my decisions for me. I’m trying to change that. I want to be in control of my thoughts and actions, but there is something stopping me. There is something that prevents me from wanting to get better.


I’m scared out of my mind to get better. These feelings of worry, sadness and anxiousness are normal for me. I know how to experience these emotions on a daily basis. I’ve been dealing with them my whole life.

How am I supposed to act when I don’t have these feelings or thoughts anymore? What does feeling accepted feel like? What does it feel like for my brain to be calm?

I have no idea.

I want to get better every day because people tell me I should. I should want to feel “normal.” I do want to feel “normal,” but in doing that, I have to step out of my comfort zone. That’s where my anxiety kicks in. Getting better is like seeing the world in a perspective I have never experienced before. This is all I know.

I want to know what it feels like to actually want to get out of bed and take on the day. I want to know what confidence feels like. I want to know I’m crying for a reason and not just because of my illness. Yet, there it is again. The wall.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Image via Thinkstock.

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Depression

black woman looking down

I Thought Strong Black Women Didn't Get Depression

There’s beauty in the struggle; that’s what creates a strong black woman. The strong black woman complex is something that has distorted my view of mental health for years. Prior to being diagnosed with major depression and anxiety, I just figured the pain was a part of my lifestyle. Mental health was never brought up in [...]

Start App Can Help Tell Whether or Not Your Depression Medication Works

Start, an iPhone app developed by Iodine, can help users determine whether or not their depression medication is working. Read the full story.

5 Olympians Who Deal With Depression

5 Olympic athletes have opened up about their depression.
young woman smelling a poppy flower as the sun sets

My Depression Doesn't Mean I Can't Be Happy

A few days ago, one of my best friends shared a video with me. It is called “The Happiest Girl in the World.” I watched it and was instantly struck by how much I related to it. The video is from the perspective of a girl struggling with mental illness. She talks about her deep [...]