What It Feels Like to Experience Bad Days With Depression

There are good days, when I love the world, everyone, even myself. There are bad days when I can’t feel that love.

There are good days, when I say, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” There are bad days when I say, “What for?”

There are good days, when I feel like the luckiest person in the world. There are bad days, when I feel like getting killed is the kindest thing I can do for this world.

There are good days, when I tell friends, “You are the best friend ever!” There are bad days, when I don’t care if they never talk to me ever again.

There are good days, when I go to sleep with a smile, not thinking about tomorrow. There are bad days, when I’m having a really great day and my last thought before closing my eyes is, “Don’t wake me up anymore.”

There are good days, when I can get from my bedroom to the bath in the morning without pausing for one hour on the way. There are bad days when, surrounded by good friends, all I can think of is jumping out my friend’s window.

There are good days, when I seek out friends. There are bad days, when I let the phone ring and ring and ring.

There are good days, when my flatmates complain about my loud music — my “concert.” There are bad days, when they can’t even tell if I am home.

There are good days, when there are more good days in a week than bad days. There are bad days, when there are more bad days in a week than good days.

There are bad days, when I realize there will always be bad days. And there are good days, when I remember that there will always be good days.

I simply need to hang on and keep walking.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Thinkstock photo via KatarzynaBialasiewicz