Vintage Girl Portrait in Ornate Circle Frame. Vector Illustration. Art Nouveau Style. Hand Drawn Hairstyle. Beautiful Mermaid Face.

Anxiety Makes It Hard to Know if I'll Be an 'Introvert' or 'Extrovert' Today

3k
3k

Anxiety Makes It Hard to Know if I'll Be an 'Introvert' or 'Extrovert' Today

3k

Sometimes I struggle to make sense of the love of being alone but also the fear of being alone. To an introvert, being alone can be a favorite pastime and to an extrovert, they can often want nothing more than to be around people. But what if I don’t fit in these categories? What if I don’t want to label myself because neither of these titles make any sense to who I am?

With anxiety, it is impossible to guess how I am going to feel each day. Do I want to be alone or do I need the distraction of the people I care about? After a long day, there is nothing more I want then to sit alone and process my day. The last thing I can imagine is socializing with friends or having to go out in public. My day was exhausting and my thoughts drained all my energy. All I want to do is sleep and prepare myself for the next day. I cannot even imagine holding a conversation and I seem reserved and standoffish.  

A week later, I can feel the exact same way but the last thing I can imagine is being alone. My thoughts become too strong to push away by myself. I have to put the television on and put the volume up to drown out the thoughts I can no longer control. I get up and start to pace the floor trying to find something to do or even start cleaning to distract myself. I start texting my boyfriend and friends to think of something else while I try to push away the nauseous feeling creeping up my throat. I start doing homework that might not be due for another two weeks just so I can keep myself busy. I start making lists of anything I can think of or start organizing my room to keep myself calm. I count down the minutes until my boyfriend is out of work just so I can have someone next to me, someone I can have a conversation with.

I wish I was able to know which way I was going to feel each day. Whether I should plan to meet up with friends or know not to make any plans altogether. I know it is hard for many people to understand how I can seem like an introvert one day and an extrovert the next day, but I have learned I need to adjust my surroundings with the way I am feeling each day.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock photo via kotoffei.

MIGHTY PARTNER RESOURCES

TOPICS
JOIN THE CONVERSATION

Real People. Real Stories.

5,000+
CONTRIBUTORS
150 Million
READERS

We face disability, disease and mental illness together.