I love my diagnoses.
The bipolar disorder.
The anxiety disorder.
I love them all.
I never thought I would utter these words or even come to this place of saying my diagnoses out loud. That changed after I tried to kill myself.
I had been off my medication for months. I had convinced myself I could achieve a happy and normal life without my medication or therapy. I convinced myself people had it worse and I just needed to buck up and be a “normal functioning” adult. This was the worst mistake ever.
It didn’t take long before I went manic and made risky choices. It didn’t take long till I isolated myself and spent my days off in bed. It didn’t take long till I was finding any way I could not go to work. It didn’t take long till I started hearing and seeing things I knew were not real. I was hanging on by a thread.
The thread held till I lost my job. Then the thread snapped, and the fall felt unbearable. The voices were stronger than ever. That’s when I tried to kill myself. The voices were finally quiet. Thankfully I have my guardian angel, and I survived.
Now I saw two choices. The first was to be miserable about my diagnoses and just go along with the program till I made the same mistake again. The second choice was to love my diagnoses.
By loving my diagnoses, I am accepting my diagnoses, finally, as a part of my life. By loving my diagnoses, I am going to go to therapy and talk about my abuse because it does matter. By loving my diagnoses, I am taking my medication every day, so I can function like a “normal” adult. By loving my diagnoses, I do my best not to isolate myself. By loving my diagnoses, I am loving myself and taking care of myself finally.
I love my diagnoses, and I am proud.
If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.
We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.
Thinkstock photo by iYuliya