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Why I'm Learning to Love My Mental Illness Diagnoses

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I love my diagnoses.

The bipolar disorder.

The anxiety disorder.

The depression with psychosis.

The post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

I love them all.

I never thought I would utter these words or even come to this place of saying my diagnoses out loud. That changed after I tried to kill myself.

I had been off my medication for months. I had convinced myself I could achieve a happy and normal life without my medication or therapy. I convinced myself people had it worse and I just needed to buck up and be a “normal functioning” adult. This was the worst mistake ever.

It didn’t take long before I went manic and made risky choices. It didn’t take long till I isolated myself and spent my days off in bed. It didn’t take long till I was finding any way I could not go to work. It didn’t take long till I started hearing and seeing things I knew were not real. I was hanging on by a thread.

The thread held till I lost my job. Then the thread snapped, and the fall felt unbearable. The voices were stronger than ever. That’s when I tried to kill myself. The voices were finally quiet. Thankfully I have my guardian angel, and I survived.

Now I saw two choices. The first was to be miserable about my diagnoses and just go along with the program till I made the same mistake again. The second choice was to love my diagnoses.

By loving my diagnoses, I am accepting my diagnoses, finally, as a part of my life. By loving my diagnoses, I am going to go to therapy and talk about my abuse because it does matter. By loving my diagnoses, I am taking my medication every day, so I can function like a “normal” adult. By loving my diagnoses, I do my best not to isolate myself. By loving my diagnoses, I am loving myself and taking care of myself finally.

I love my diagnoses, and I am proud.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Thinkstock photo by iYuliya

Originally published: March 18, 2017
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