It was one of those days.
A day where my anxiety reigned and shrouded me with its dark veil. This thing called anxiety and panic had barreled into my life over the past year and I was still waiting for rescue. I barely made it through each day as a wife, mom of two, and full-time Director of Communications at a church and school.
During this dark time, I often felt suffocated. Like I was living underwater and struggling to make my way to the surface for a breath of air. When panic overcame me at work, I sought refuge in the only place I had privacy – the back of my van. I curled up on the folded seats. I prayed. I meditated. I breathed. I did anything that might calm the surge of adrenaline coursing through my body and irrational thoughts in my mind.
If close my eyes, I still see myself laying there in isolation, desperate for saving. I cried, I raged and I prayed.
I felt alone. So very alone.
Outside the van, kids were running around at recess. Happy and carefree, they paraded by, unaware that a shell of a woman was lying on her back just feet away, praying for the pain to stop and for the strength to rise.
Then I heard it. A knock on my back window. Sitting up, I saw a friend and coworker. Her face pressed up against the tinted glass, searching for me curled inside.
“I’ve been looking for you,” she said as I opened the hatch.
Climbing inside, she sat cross-legged with me. We were two grown women finding respite from the world in an unlikely place – the back of a mini-van. My friend acted like it was the most natural thing to sit there with me. I talked about my fears and she listened. Her presence calmed me.
She didn’t have answers, but she was there. She came to find me, to listen. And that was enough to get me through another day.
I wonder if you have that same tendency to retreat when the world just seems to be too much? Do you hide away and try to go it alone?
Since I’ve started sharing my experience with anxiety and panic, so many unexpected people have shared their own stories with me. Each time, I’m reminded of my friend who came and knocked on my van. We survivors have a special ability to sense when someone is struggling. Let’s be door knockers to let them know they are not alone.
We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.
Thinkstock photo via cerenatalay.