Getting Back Up After Depression Knocked Me Down
I have spent the last week or so writing, then giving up. But, I keep trying to write about the same thing, find the right words to say. So, obviously someone out there must need to read this. Maybe this might just help someone struggling.
Normally, when a depressive episode begins to hit, I let it. I sit there and let it consume me. I go into the deep, dark pit with hope that one day I’ll survive to see the light again.
This time, it’s different. I have my boyfriend living with me. And I don’t like it when I’m not myself around him. Honestly, I annoy the hell out of myself. I can only imagine how he feels. He’s given me a new reason to fight the depression off, which has made me see all the other reasons there are to keep out of the darkness.
I don’t know exactly how I’m going to fight this. I don’t know if I’ll make a recovery plan or just take it day by day. Right now, I’m focused on today. I’ll talk to my therapist about it more tomorrow, but at least I know I’m taking action.
The past week has been full of mentally fighting the negativity in my mind that comes along with depression. The thoughts that are not from me but from this thing outside of myself.
I am not Depression.
I feel the need to kick my own ass; this is what I’ve been waiting for, fighting for. Every time I get depressed there comes a moment when I’m ready to kick my own ass. That’s the moment the depression begins to lift. If I ignore this feeling, I get anxious and angry at myself and others. This is by far the quickest it’s come, and I’m thankful for that.
I’m starting by putting away the self-help books I’ve been hiding in. I’m taking pictures of the things I do to show my progress. I’m keeping up with it in my blog and sharing my journey. Today is the day I clean my kitchen. Today is the day I set up my workspace. Today is the day I become who I want to be.
Stay strong. Stay loving. And most of all, stay stubborn as hell. You got this.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741.
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