Why I Am Not a Burden, and Neither Are You

There’s an app I use that lets people share their anxieties and comment on the posts. This app has helped me a lot, but sometimes it makes me sad. Especially when I read about someone feeling like a burden.

I want to share my story.

I grew up with anxiety. Anxiety and I have always been close friends, even before I knew the word. I can remember times as just a little kid when my anxiety took over. 

For years, I wouldn’t walk on playgrounds — I had to crawl, afraid I’d fall off. For years, I had to sleep next to my mother, afraid I’d die in my sleep. We’re talking an embarrassingly long amount of time here, like, I had my first boyfriend before I began sleeping in my own room. And today, today it comes out as being afraid to go places alone without my current boyfriend by my side. No one knows I struggle with this fear.

But, feeling like a burden is something I was told was correct. Ever since the first year of my anxiety attacks, my family made me feel like a “burden.” I was purposefully made to feel like a burden.

All throughout high school, my close friends, my parents and eventually my high school “sweetheart” made me feel as though I was the biggest burden there was. I was told I was too much, no wonder I didn’t have any friends, that I’m “crazy” and I should be locked away in the mental ward.

It’s a miracle I’m where I am today.

I still struggle with feeling like a burden, especially to my boyfriend who does most things around the apartment and to my grandparents who support me financially. But I know I’m not. 

It took one friend, one loving friend to show me I am not a burden. She has been there throughout some of the toughest moments of my life. She’s stood by my side through everything. And when I asked why, her answer was simple. “Because I choose to be in your life.” And when I asked my boyfriend, his response was the same. Funny enough, they’re siblings.

I want you to stop and realize, you are not a burden to those in your life. They actively choose to be there for you. The right people will come into your life at the right time. If they cause problems, it’s probably to teach you more about the kind of people you let close.

To those of you with less than loving families, know this: you are not alone. All of us here, we’re all supporting you; even if we don’t know you, we want you to survive. You deserve to survive! I encourage you to find support groups, a therapist, anyone you can. Reach out to those online who share in your struggles. Just because we may not be related to you, doesn’t mean we don’t care. Sometimes, friends make better family members anyway.

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Unsplash photo via freestocks.org