To My Children: Despite My Illness, I Have Tried My Best

I want you to know that I want to be such a better mother than I am. I hope someday you can fully understand that I have tried my best. I hope you never really understand what I feel due to my illnesses, as I would never wish you to follow in my footsteps in that way.

I want to play with you but the fatigue and the pain just makes it impossible. I hope you understand that my desire to do so is there, but it’s just not always possible. Trust me, I fight it the best I can to try to do what I can with you. I may pay for it for days but I promise I will do what I can and to me it’s always worth it.

Each day is such a struggle. Just to care for all you takes all that I have. I know it doesn’t seem like I do much, but I’m doing the best that I can. I hope you can understand that. It’s hard for me to ask for help. I try to do more than I should, and it takes a big toll on me.

I know you’re stuck helping more than you should, and I’m sure you don’t see why you have to. Trust the fact that your help is appreciated so very much. I couldn’t do what I do without you. You’ve always been Mommy’s helpers and it makes my love for you that much greater, if that’s even possible. I feel bad that so much is put on your shoulders due to my illness, but I hope you know that I wish it wasn’t that way.

My life is a struggle, day by day. Pain, Fatigue and depression makes it hard at times to be the mother I want to be. Yet, you love my anyway. That is where I draw my strength. You give me the strength to do what I do to pull myself out of it all to enjoy my life to the fullest that I can. It is all due to you that I endure all that I do and keep a smile on my face.

You are my heart, and when my body fails me I know that never will.

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