The Types of Lies My Depression Tells Me
Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.
Hello darkness, my old “friend” — I hate you so very much.
I can’t stand you because you steal my happiness, my sunshine, my motivation. Some “friend” you are; when you come around I want to set my brain on fire and choke on the smoke until you are gone. When you come around, you bring me down and I hate you. You are nothing good. I wish you would stay away. I need you to stay away from me, but alas, you won’t. Friend of mine, you sneak up on me like a wave, but you are always there in the back of my mind, waiting. Waiting. I feel I am nothing with you. I feel I am nothing without you as well.
Lies. Depression lies to me and tells me I am nothing without it, that I will never amount to anything — that this world would be better off without me. Lies again. I know that these are lies, but I believe these lies sometimes. I let the darkness consume me like nothing because it comes in peacefully.
Peacefully suffocating me. I don’t love depression, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But fighting my depressed, anxiety-ridden, bipolar state of mind has made me a stronger person, I know it has. I might view myself as weak and “dumb” at times, but I know those are lies. I have to pick apart the fine lines that come between lies and truth and tell myself that things will get better.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741.
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Thinkstock photo via lekcej