To the Guy Who Was Patient With Me While I Was Having a Breakdown

I tend to have my moments where I have breakdowns and begin to panic over every little thing. I’ve always been the one to bottle up my emotions and keep everything inside until I collapse. I know it’s wrong of me to do that, yet I always find myself doing it. I remember one night a lot was going on, and I couldn’t control my feelings. Something sparked my emotions, and I couldn’t stop crying. I started wondering if I needed to take another one of my antidepressants because my anxiety was so high.

And then you were there on the driver’s side slowly watching the one you care for fall apart. You’ve never seen the side of me where I felt like I lost all control. You’ve never seen the side where I couldn’t stop crying because I didn’t know what to do. You’ve never seen the side where I felt like I wasn’t good enough — not until that one night.

You didn’t know what to do. You saw me having a breakdown because of my anxiety and depression, and you didn’t know how to react. You tried to hold my hand, but I pulled away because I didn’t want to be held. I wanted to be left alone in my own misery, but something in you knew that wasn’t for the best. You tried to make me feel better. You tried to put a smile on my face and tell me things will eventually be OK. You tried your hardest, and I felt like I was failing you inside.

I wasn’t happy mentally nor emotionally, and you still wanted to be by me. You still wanted to be in my presence. I sat there at the kitchen table with tears streaming down my face, and you looked at me and said, “I’ll be here if you need me.”

So, thank you. Thank you for being so patient with me after I thought I’d “lost it.” Thank you for trying to understand where I was coming from when my anxiety and depression started taking control. And thank you for still being by my side ever since you saw me on that night I couldn’t control my feelings. I know it takes a lot to handle me, and I appreciate that in more ways than you’ll ever know.

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