Projecting My Feelings Is Protective but Not Productive


I’m just learning to identify my feelings. Using magnets and emojis to help me to move from dissociating and nothingness to actually being in the moment. I’m so used to the flatness of depression. The emptiness of not asking for more from life. Not wanting more so I’m not disappointed. Not trying so I understand when I don’t succeed. Flashes of energy and excitement for a new interest fade into a low dim light of a flashlight that once held so much potential.

When I accuse my supportive husband of being too helpful, it is because I’m projecting my feelings of helplessness. I want to be strong and independent and am afraid of needing assistance.

When I say my friends don’t invite everyone, I am projecting my own loneliness and worry about neglect and abandonment.

When I point out someone is giving up or giving into depression, I am projecting my own struggle and sense of defeat. I believe in making the best choices for health and positivity, but don’t always manage it.

Owning my emotions means choosing to live fully. Through the pain I’ve always denied. I’m afraid of the consequences but am ready to fight. I worry about losing too often. I lose completely by choosing not to play.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock photo via Grandfailure.


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Depression

Group of people sitting on a staircase outdoors, close up on low section body - Multiracial friends talking and having fun on a meeting outdoors

Opening up to My Friends About Depression and Anxiety for the First Time

As a high school student, it’s common for teens my age to worry about things like the brand of makeup they use, the girls or boys they like and the newest gossip they have heard. We’re all guilty of it. But that being said, it is not the coolest thing in the world to talk [...]
woman texting

What Depression Tells Me When You Don't Reply to My Text Message

Every now and then I work up some courage and send you a message. Five minutes go by. Then 10. Then an hour. No response. Or even worse you have opened it and you just don’t feel like responding to me. Most people would assume you are busy. I don’t have this luxury. The voice [...]
pencil with shavings and sharpener on lined notebook

Dear Depression: Please Tell Me, Is This Fair?

Depression, Why do you mask the amazing parts of my life and drive me to sit behind black clouds, with no vision of getting past them? Why are you constantly there, cramping my style, and the only way I can find to fight against you is to speak out? But then, why is your sidekick stigma always [...]
Mermaid illustration with long flowing hair. This is an eps10 file with transparency.

I'm the Only One Who Can Save Myself From Drowning in Depression

My depression played a trick on me this week. It updated its operating system to keep things fresh. I’m having quite a time trying to think of the right metaphor to describe my depression’s new iteration. Though this comparison is overused, it feels like I’m drowning. To be more precise, it usually feels like I’ve [...]