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Projecting My Feelings Is Protective but Not Productive

I’m just learning to identify my feelings. Using magnets and emojis to help me to move from dissociating and nothingness to actually being in the moment. I’m so used to the flatness of depression. The emptiness of not asking for more from life. Not wanting more so I’m not disappointed. Not trying so I understand when I don’t succeed. Flashes of energy and excitement for a new interest fade into a low dim light of a flashlight that once held so much potential.

When I accuse my supportive husband of being too helpful, it is because I’m projecting my feelings of helplessness. I want to be strong and independent and am afraid of needing assistance.

When I say my friends don’t invite everyone, I am projecting my own loneliness and worry about neglect and abandonment.

When I point out someone is giving up or giving into depression, I am projecting my own struggle and sense of defeat. I believe in making the best choices for health and positivity, but don’t always manage it.

Owning my emotions means choosing to live fully. Through the pain I’ve always denied. I’m afraid of the consequences but am ready to fight. I worry about losing too often. I lose completely by choosing not to play.

If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.

If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.

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Thinkstock photo via Grandfailure.