The Mighty Logo

When Anxiety Convinces Me I Don't Belong

The most helpful emails in health
Browse our free newsletters

Leather executive chairs are set around the square conference table.

I feel them staring at me when I walk into the room.

I can hear them whispering in my head.

Who is she? (She’s not one of us.)

Why is she here? (What could she possibly contribute?)

I am surrounded.

They’re still looking at me. (Where could she have come from?)

All of them thinking the same thing.

I don’t fit in.

The women perfectly coiffed with blonde hair.

The men in custom suits.

My black curly hair is big.

My dress, short.

The silver bracelets I chose so carefully stand out against their Cartier and Ebel.

Their titles:

Chief operating officer.

Senior legal counsel.

Owner.

President.

Senior executive.

With their with MBAs, JDs and PhDs.

Why am I here?

I try to shrink into myself.

The mania that comes with my ups and downs (they’re a package deal) makes me want to talk.

To be heard.

But my anxiety tells me I have nothing to contribute.

I want to disappear.

Because I can hear their voices.

Whispering that I don’t belong…

even when I have a seat at the table.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Photo via Unsplash, by Samuel Zeller

Originally published: April 24, 2017
Want more of The Mighty?
You can find even more stories on our Home page. There, you’ll also find thoughts and questions by our community.
Take Me Home