How I Found My 'Safe Place' After Watching '13 Reasons Why'
Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741.
I was watching “13 Reasons Why” and I really shouldn’t have been. I knew I shouldn’t have been. But I was having a terrible week and that day, things were just crashing. Adding a sad TV show to that couldn’t hurt that much, right? I had to turn it off. I felt lost with purpose. Dark with no light. Overwhelmed with no hope. Despair with no chance of joy. I felt nothing. My heart sank to the bottom of my chest. I didn’t see a future. I didn’t see anything good in the future. I shut down.
I took my laptop, phone and headphones, walked out of my dorm, and looked for a place on campus — somewhere safe. Somewhere I could just go and break down. Somewhere I could cry. Somewhere to just be. But here’s a shocker. At 4 p.m. on a college campus, you’re not gonna find a place like that. So, I texted my roommate and asked if we could just go for a drive. She said yes, and I met her at her car. I got in and closed the door. She started to drive, and the tears just fell.
They fell, and fell, and fell. Not one word could leave my lips, but the tears just kept leaving my eyes. I couldn’t look at her. I looked out the window, looked straight ahead. There were a million things that should have been going through my head, but only five words were clear: This is a safe place. This is a safe place. This is a safe place. I needed a safe haven, I needed a place to just be, to just cry. I needed to see there was more to this world and as we drove and passed trees, forests, neighborhoods and parks, the heaviness became a little lighter. This is a safe place. There is a future. This isn’t the end. This is a safe place.
I couldn’t say the words. I couldn’t say a word. But it was a safe place. I felt safe. And I knew I just had to keep holding on. I wish I could’ve told her. Could have told her how much it meant to me that she dropped what she was doing to drive aimlessly with me crying, not being able to explain why. I wish I could have just said the words, “Thank you.” She knew, but I wish I could have said it. But it was a safe place. It was a safe place.
And later when I texted her and thanked her she said “Anytime. I’d do just about anything for you.” And I knew, once again, this is a safe place.
If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.
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Screenshot via Netflix Youtube channel.